Collected chapters on marriage proposals -- Chapter: Indirect hinting at a marriage proposal

Allah, the Blessed and Exalted, says: "And there is no sin upon you in what you hint of a proposal of marriage to (widowed) women." [Surah al-Baqarah: 235] (to the end of the verse).

Abu Salamah bin Abd al-Rahman (may Allah have mercy on him) narrates from Sayyidah Fatimah bint Qays (may Allah be pleased with her) that Abu Amr bin Hafs (may Allah be pleased with him) gave her an irrevocable divorce while he was away. The agent of Abu Amr bin Hafs (may Allah be pleased with him) gave Sayyidah Fatimah bint Qays (may Allah be pleased with her) some barley, with which she was displeased. He said: "By Allah, you have no claim on us at all." So Sayyidah Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) came and mentioned this to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "You have no right to maintenance from him," and he said: "Spend your waiting period ('iddah) in the house of Umm Sharik (may Allah be pleased with her)." Then he said: "My Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) frequently visit that woman. Spend your waiting period at the house of Abdullah bin Umm Maktum (may Allah be pleased with him), for he is a blind Companion; even if your garment slips off, there is no harm. When your waiting period ends, inform me." When my waiting period ended, I told him that Mu'awiyah bin Abi Sufyan (may Allah be pleased with him) and Abu Jahm (may Allah be pleased with him) had proposed to me. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Abu Jahm does not put his stick down from his shoulder, and Mu'awiyah is a poor man who has no wealth. Marry Usamah (may Allah be pleased with him)." She said: I disliked him. Then he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Marry Usamah." She said: So I married him, and Allah placed blessing in it, and I came to be envied.

Abu Salamah bin Abd al-Rahman narrates from Sayyidah Fatimah bint Qays (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) sent word to her: "Do not go ahead of me in deciding about yourself."
(b) Abu Salamah bin Abd al-Rahman narrates from Sayyidah Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) that he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Do not go ahead of us in deciding about yourself."

Abd al-Rahman bin Hanzalah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates from his maternal aunt Sakinah bint Hanzalah (may Allah be pleased with her), who was in Quba married to her paternal cousin, who then died. She said: Abu Ja'far Muhammad bin Ali (may Allah have mercy on him) came to me while I was in my waiting period. He greeted me with salam and asked: "O daughter of Hanzalah, how are you this morning?" I said: "Well, and may Allah keep you well." He said: "I am related to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and to Ali (may Allah be pleased with him); I have my right in Islam and my standing among the Arabs." I, that is, Sakinah bint Hanzalah, said: "O Abu Ja'far, may Allah forgive you! You are a man from whom (knowledge) is taken and from whom narrations are reported, and you are proposing to me during my waiting period?" He said: "I have not done so; I only mentioned my kinship with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him)." Then he said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) visited Umm Salamah bint Abi Umayyah bin al-Mughirah al-Makhzumiyyah (may Allah be pleased with her), who had been widowed by Abu Salamah (may Allah be pleased with him), who was her paternal cousin. He (peace and blessings be upon him) kept mentioning to her his standing with Allah, until the mat left marks on his palm (from how heavily he leaned on it). "That was not a proposal."

Sayyiduna Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) said regarding the words of Allah Almighty, "There is no sin upon you in what you hint of a proposal of marriage to women" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235], "and there is no sin upon you in what you say by way of hinting about marriage to women": and hinting is not (an explicit) proposal.

Sayyiduna Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) said regarding the words of Allah Almighty, "There is no sin upon you in what you hint of a proposal of marriage to women" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235]: "(It is to say:) 'I intend to marry, I intend to marry.'"

Abd al-Rahman bin al-Qasim (may Allah have mercy on him) narrates from his father (may Allah have mercy on him) that he said regarding the words of Allah, "And there is no sin upon you in what you hint of a proposal of marriage to women" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235]: It is that a man says to a woman who is observing the waiting period after her husband's death: "You are honoured in my eyes, I am desirous of you, and Allah will bring good and provision to you," saying things of this kind.

Sa'id bin Jubayr (may Allah have mercy on him) said regarding the words of Allah Almighty, "And there is no sin upon you in what you hint of a proposal of marriage to women" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235]: It is that a man says (to a woman) during her waiting period: "I intend to marry, and if I marry, I will treat my wife well."

Mujahid (may Allah have mercy on him) said regarding this verse: It is a man saying to a woman during her waiting period, "You are beautiful, and I like you," while he keeps the proposal of marriage hidden and does not disclose it. All of this is permissible. "But do not make promises to them secretly" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235]: do not give a secret promise, meaning that a man says to her, "Do not go ahead and marry on your own, for I will marry you"; this is not lawful.

Mujahid (may Allah have mercy on him) said regarding the words of Allah Almighty, "But do not make promises to them secretly" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235]: that he should not propose to the woman during the days of her waiting period, "except that you speak an honourable word" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235], that is, he may say: "You are very beautiful, you have a (high) standing, and you are desired."

Sa'id bin Jubayr (may Allah have mercy on him) said: (It is) that he settles with her on such and such terms that she will not marry anyone else. And regarding "except that you speak an honourable word" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235], he said that he may say: "I am desirous of you, and I hope that we will come together."

Al-Sha'bi (may Allah have mercy on him) said regarding this verse, "But do not make promises to them secretly" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235], that he should not take a firm pledge from her that she will not marry anyone else.

Abu Mijlaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said regarding "But do not make promises to them secretly, except that you speak an honourable word" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235]: "'Secretly' (al-sirr) means zina." He (the narrator) said: Then I also asked al-Hasan (may Allah have mercy on him) about it, and he said: "It means zina."

Al-Suddi narrates from Ibrahim that "But do not make promises to them secretly" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235] means zina.

Muqatil bin Hayyan (may Allah have mercy on him) said: "But do not make promises to them secretly" [Surah al-Baqarah: 235] means obscene speech, that is, the man should not address her with hints of intercourse from himself; and others say that it means zina.
(b) Al-Hasan (may Allah have mercy on him) said regarding hinting at marriage: he sends word to her during her waiting period, saying: "I am desirous of you, I am eager for you, and I wanted to let you know; when your waiting period is over, you may decide as you see fit." Ata (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He hints and does not declare it openly. He says: "I have a need, so be of good cheer, for you, praise be to Allah, are much sought after." And she says: "I hear what you are saying." Ata (may Allah have mercy on him) also said: If she gave a man a promise during her waiting period and he then married her afterwards, they are not to be separated. [Hasan]