Full Context of the Hadith
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm others. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honour his guest. When he was asked about the rights of the guest, he ﷺ said: The right is three days, and after that it is charity. He further said: Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good words or remain silent. Accept my advice regarding women, for they were created from a rib, and the rib is most crooked in its upper part; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So accept the advice to treat women well.”
Purpose of the Hadith and Its Explanation
This hadith is not meant to discuss the creation of any creature or the status and rank of men and women. Rather, it gives guidance for improving social relations. In this hadith, good conduct is enjoined towards three types of people:
◄ Guest (dayf): Those people with whom one has occasional dealings.
◄ Neighbour (jar): Those people with whom one has contact in everyday life.
◄ Family members, especially women: Those people with whom one spends the most time in life.
Arab society was a male-dominated society, where men held a powerful position. In this context, the Prophet ﷺ gave greater importance to good treatment of women and specially reminded men of the rights of women.
The Meaning of Being Created from a Rib
The Holy Quran says:
“Allah first created a single soul, then from it He created its mate.”
However, the Quran did not explain the manner in which the woman was created. The phrase “created from a rib” in the hadith may mean that Hawwa was created from the rib of Adam peace be upon him, but this meaning is not definitively necessary. In the Arabic language and the idiom of hadith, such comparisons are often used to express resemblance, as in Urdu when it is said: “So-and-so is made of a hard bone.” This does not mean that he is literally made of bone, but rather that the hardness of his behaviour is intended.
The Comparison of Crookedness and Its Purpose
The meaning of the woman being crooked like a rib in the hadith is that there are some aspects in the nature of women that may be incomprehensible to men. Just as the crookedness of the rib is necessary for its own purpose, similarly the “crookedness” of a woman is also necessary for her natural beauty and her role in life.
The hadith clarifies that trying to forcibly “straighten” a woman will spoil relations, because this is against her nature. For this reason, men have been advised to deal with the natural weaknesses of women with good treatment and gentleness.
The Difference in Temperament Between Women and Men
In this part of the hadith, while clarifying the nature of women, it is explained that a woman cannot fully “fit” the temperament of a man, because Allah has created both with different characteristics. But a man may also be “crooked” for a woman, just as two crescents or two bows are crooked towards each other.
The Meaning of “Lan Tastaqim Laka”
Some narrations state that “a woman will never sit straight by your standard in any state.” This means that whatever way a man thinks, or whatever standard by which he wishes to see a woman, a woman by nature will not fulfil it.
This statement in fact prevents men from setting unrealistic expectations from women and tells them that a woman’s fickleness or emotionalism is her natural quality, not a defect.
Women’s Fickleness and Its Benefits
Flexibility and emotionality in a woman’s personality are essential for her role in life. If a woman becomes harsh and inflexible like a man, she will be deprived of her feminine role, which is necessary for family life and the upbringing of children. The crookedness of the rib is beneficial medically; similarly, a woman’s emotionality is also beneficial for family and social life.
The Real Lesson of the Hadith: Enjoining Good Conduct
The basic aim of the hadith is to teach men to deal with a woman’s nature with gentleness and patience. Men often think that perhaps their wife has some particular flaw and other women would be better, but the hadith shows that wherever a woman is, she will be with this same “crookedness”. Therefore a man must learn the skill of living with a woman.
The hadith also makes clear that trying to bring a woman forcibly to one’s own standard will be a cause of failure for a man. The key to a successful married life is that a man accepts a woman’s natural temperament and treats her with good conduct. This is why the Prophet ﷺ said:
“The best of you is the one who is best to his family.”
Conclusion
This hadith gives a man the awareness that he should accept a woman’s nature and live with her in gentleness and forbearance. The perfection for a man is that, despite a woman’s different nature, he maintains good relations with her and keeps his married life pleasant.
