وعن المغيرة بن شعبة رضى الله عنه ان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم قال: إن الله حرم عليكم عقوق الامهات وواد البنات ومنعا وهات وكره لكم قيل وقال وكثرة السؤال وإضاعة المال
It is narrated from Mughirah bin Shu’bah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: Indeed, Allah has forbidden you to harm your mothers, to bury daughters alive, to withhold what is due, to say to others “Give me,” and to dislike what has been decreed for you, such as saying “It was said” or “So-and-so said,” and excessive questioning and wasting wealth.
Authentication:
Vocabulary: عقوق is a verbal noun which is the opposite of بر. برالوالدين means good treatment of parents. عقوق الوالدين means hurting their hearts, mistreating. The literal meaning of عق is to cut off.
الامهات is the plural of امهة. ام means mother. امة and امهة are also used. The plural of ام is امات. The difference in plural forms is that امهات is used only for those with intellect, while امات is for those without intellect. Sometimes the usage is reversed.
منعا means not fulfilling the obligations that are incumbent upon oneself, such as wealth, good treatment, etc.
هَاتِ is an imperative verb meaning آت, i.e., “Do not give.” Some say the hamzah in آت has been replaced with a ha. آتي يوتي means “to give,” i.e., not fulfilling the rights of others and continuously demanding everything for oneself.
Benefits:
➊ This hadith specifically mentions hurting the mother’s heart, although kindness to both mother and father is commanded and hurting the father’s heart is also forbidden. The reason is that the mother’s right is greater than the father’s because she endures more hardship for the offspring.
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, increasing her in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents.”
In a hadith in Sahihayn, the Prophet, peace be upon him, emphasized kindness to the mother three times and mentioned the father the fourth time. The mother is mentioned specifically because due to her weakness, the children tend to trouble her more.
➋ عقوق refers to any word or action of the offspring that causes pain to the parents, provided they are not in stubbornness. If they are, then Allah says:
رَّبُّكُمْ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا فِي نُفُوسِكُمْ إِن تَكُونُوا صَالِحِينَ فَإِنَّهُ كَانَ لِلْأَوَّابِينَ غَفُورًا
“Your Lord knows what is in your hearts, so if you are righteous, then He is Forgiving to those who turn to Him.”
Similarly, in avoiding shirk or disobedience to Allah, the displeasure of parents is not to be considered. لا طاعة لمخلوق فى معصية الخالق “It is not permissible to obey creation in disobedience to the Creator.”
➌ وواد البنات In the era of ignorance, people generally buried daughters alive so that they would not fall into the hands of the enemy in war, and also because sons would earn and assist in war, while daughters were considered a burden. Many killed their offspring out of fear of poverty. Allah said: وَلا تَقْتُلُوا أَوْلادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلاقٍ “Do not kill your children for fear of poverty.” In ancient ignorance, this was done individually. In modern ignorance, governments carry out this act systematically. For example, the Chinese communists have banned having more than two children; if a woman gives birth to a third child, government-appointed nurses and doctors administer a lethal injection in the maternity ward. The US and other disbelieving countries are also trying hard to enforce this law in Muslim countries; so far, encouragement and persuasion are used, but the next step will be coercion. Sadly, Muslim rulers, instead of trusting Allah and considering Him the Provider, have become contractors of provision and are engaged in the genocide of Muslims. May Allah guide them.
➍ وَمَنْعا وهات Not giving anything oneself and continuously demanding everything from others, as the famous joke about spiritual leaders goes: “If you come, what will you bring? And if we come, what will you feed us?” This is a very miserable matter.
➎ قيل و قال “It was said” and “So-and-so said” are forms of the passive and active past tense verbs; these words are also used as nouns. قُلْتُ قَوْلاً وقيلا وقالا means “I spoke.” Sometimes قيل و قال is used as a verb but the meaning is a noun.
➏ Disliking for you قيل و قال includes many things.
(a) Passing on hearsay about people without investigation or telling others after investigation. In the first case, it is lying and slander; in the second, it is backbiting and gossip because generally people dislike talking about them.
(b) Continuously mentioning people’s faults and weaknesses causes a person to become heedless of his own condition; therefore, quarreling is disliked. In Sahih Muslim, it is narrated from Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: من قال هلك الناس فهو اهلكهم “Whoever says that people are ruined is more ruined than them.”
(c) Continuously mentioning differences among people in religion, such as “So-and-so Imam said this,” “So-and-so said that,” “Some scholars say this,” “Another opinion is this,” etc., without deciding on the firm and original matter.
One defect is that mentioning others’ sayings alongside the words of Allah and His Messenger, peace be upon him, does not suit a Muslim, especially when they contradict the Book and Sunnah. This belittles the words of Allah and His Messenger.
دعوا كل قول عند قول محمد … فما آمن فى دينه كمخاطر
“Leave every matter before the words of Muhammad, peace be upon him, because a person who is at peace in his religion is not like one who is in danger.”
However, if such sayings are mentioned to refute them, there is no harm, but that will not be quibbling; rather, it will be a refutation of quibbling.
Another defect is that the listener becomes confused about which opinion to follow and eventually deviates from the religion.
Thirdly, when a person mentions too much quibbling, many things are narrated without investigation, which makes him counted among liars because the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: كفي بالمرء كذبا ان يحدث بكل ما سمع
“It is enough for a man to be a liar that he narrates whatever he hears.”
Fourthly, in quibbling, many things will be said that benefit neither religion nor the world; therefore, speaking excessively is inappropriate. Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ اللَّغْوِ مُعْرِضُونَ
“And [they are] those who turn away from ill speech.”
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
من حسن اسلام المرء تركه ما لا يعنيه
“It is part of the perfection of a person’s Islam that he leaves what does not concern him.”
وكثره السوال This also includes many things.
(a) In the time of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, excessive questioning was prohibited so that something permissible due to silence would not become forbidden because of a question.
لَا تَسْأَلُوا عَنْ أَشْيَاءَ إِن تُبْدَ لَكُمْ تَسُؤْكُمْ
“O you who have believed, do not ask about things which, if they are shown to you, will distress you.”
(b) Unnecessarily inquiring into people’s affairs and asking about their personal matters is an undesirable act.
(c) Asking questions about things that do not exist, hypothetical cases, or things that have not yet occurred. The pious predecessors strongly disliked this. For example, some speculative people asked: If a dog mates with a goat and a hybrid offspring is born, is it halal or haram? Then they themselves answered: One should see if it eats grass or meat; if it eats grass, it is halal; if meat, it is haram; if it eats both, it should be killed; if it barks, it is under the dog’s ruling; otherwise, under the goat’s. If it makes both sounds, it should be slaughtered; if it has a scrotum, it can be eaten; otherwise not…
These people were only interested in creating questions and fabricating answers, not whether such a thing ever happened or could happen. Tell me, where is an animal born from the mating of a dog and a goat found?
(d) Asking questions to trap scholars and belittle them is against honoring Muslims and scholars.
(e) Asking people for wealth or other things. The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, made a pledge with some companions that they would not ask people for anything. Many of them adhered so strictly to this pledge that if their whip fell from their horse, they would not ask anyone to pick it up but would dismount themselves and then remount.
➑ واضاعة المال Wasting wealth means spending it in unlawful places or spending beyond one’s status or opportunity, which is considered wasting wealth.
