Rulings and Issues Concerning Second Marriage:
Marriage is the Sunnah of the Prophets. Allah says:
وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلاً مِّن قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَذُرِّيَّةً وَمَا كَانَ لِرَسُولٍ أَن يَأْتِيَ بِآيَةٍ إِلاَّ بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ لِكُلِّ أَجَلٍ كِتَابٌ
Translation: We sent messengers before you and gave them wives and offspring. It was not for any messenger to bring a sign except by the permission of Allah. For every appointed term there is a Book.
Whoever turns away from this Sunnah of the Prophet is not a Muslim. Umm al-Mu’minin Hazrat Aisha Siddiqah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
انِّكاحُ من سنَّتي ، فمن لم يعمَل بسنَّتي فليسَ منِّي ، وتزوَّجوا ، فإنِّي مُكاثرٌ بِكُمُ الأممَ ، ومن كانَ ذا طَولٍ فلينكَح ، ومن لم يجِد فعلَيهِ بالصِّيامِ ، فإنَّ الصَّومَ لَهُ وجاءٌ
Translation: Marriage is my way, and whoever does not act upon my way has no connection with me. Get married, for I will boast of your large numbers before the other nations. Whoever has the (financial) means should (certainly) marry, and whoever cannot find a match should fast, for fasting crushes desire.
Whoever marries while having the means has acted upon the Sunnah. Whoever does not marry despite having the means is one who abandons the Sunnah. This includes those who have reached the age of marriage and are at risk of falling into sin, yet delay marriage for the sake of some worldly aims. Many such people, who study in co-educational institutions or live in places of mixing, commit illicit sexual acts in an unlawful manner. At this stage the guardian has the responsibility to get his dependant married on time, so that chastity can be protected, which is one of the important objectives of marriage.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
يا معشرَ الشبابِ ! من استطاع منكم الباءةَ فليتزوجْ . فإنه أغضُّ للبصرِ ، وأحصنُ للفرجِ . ومن لم يستطعْ فعليه بالصومِ . فإنه له وجاءٌ
Translation: O assembly of young men! Whoever among you has the ability to marry should marry, for it lowers the gaze and guards the private parts more. And whoever does not have the ability should observe fasting, for it is a means of controlling desire.
If a man has married one woman, he has acted upon the Sunnah. As for a second marriage, it is also permissible for men. In the Qur’an Allah first mentioned two marriages, then three, then four, and commanded that if one fears being unable to act justly, one should settle for only one.
فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلاثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً
Translation: Marry from among women those who please you, two, three or four. But if you fear that you will not be able to be equitable, then one only.
Here some rulings concerning second marriage are presented.
The Ruling on Second Marriage:
First, understand that in the age of ignorance people used to marry excessively. Islam set a limit on marriage: if someone wishes to marry, the limit is up to four. Having more than one wife is conditional upon observing the rights between the wives and upon justice and equity; otherwise, one should be content with a single marriage. Second marriage is considered very objectionable in society. Today, in the modern environment, those who engage in romance, those who seek relations outside marriage, and those who quench their lust unlawfully are not regarded as so objectionable. Islam has declared second marriage permissible, and whoever considers it objectionable or regards this divine command as wrong certainly has a defect in his intellect.
Conditions of Second Marriage:
Second marriage is not as easy as people think. For it there are the following few conditions.
First condition: he must be able to maintain justice between the two wives.
The evidence for this is Allah’s saying: فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً
meaning: if you fear that you will not be able to act justly, then one only.
Second condition: he must have the means to provide for both wives. Allah says: وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ
Translation: Those who do not have the means to marry should keep chaste until Allah enriches them from His bounty.
Third condition: the man must have the sexual capacity for more than one woman. The saying of the Prophet ﷺ is: من استطاع منكم الباءةَ فليتزوجْ (Sahih Muslim), meaning: whoever among you has the ability to marry should marry.
When these conditions are found, a man may marry another woman; otherwise he may not.
Some Rights and Etiquettes of Second Marriage
Among the rights of the wives is that he fixes a turn for each of them to spend the night with them. Likewise, when he intends to travel, he should draw lots among the wives, and the one whose name comes out should be taken with him on the journey. He should make equal arrangements for both wives in food, lodging and clothing. Likewise, he should keep both wives in separate rooms, because it is not permissible for one woman to look at the private parts of another woman, and being in one place would lead to them being uncovered before each other. Therefore he should avoid this situation. It is permissible for a man to have intercourse with more than one wife in a single night, and this is established from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates:
كان النبيُّ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم يَدورُ على نسائِه في الساعة الواحدةِ ، منَ الليلِ والنهارِ ، وهنَّ إحدى عشْرَةَ . قال : قلتُ لأنسٍ : أوَ كان يُطيقُه ؟ قال : كنا نتحدَّثُ أنه أُعطِيَ قوةَ ثلاثينَ.
Translation: The Prophet (peace be upon him) would go round to all his wives at one time, day and night, and they were eleven. (Nine wives and two slave-girls.) The narrator said: I asked Anas: Was he able to do that? He said: We used to say that he was given the strength of thirty men.
Thus there is no harm in having intercourse with several wives in one night, but to have intercourse in one room in front of another wife is contrary to modesty and decency. Likewise, it is not permissible for any woman to look at the private parts of another woman.
Do not scold one wife in front of the other, nor beat her, and do not make any kind of distinction between them or between their children. To keep an atmosphere of affection and love between the two wives, avoid the causes and factors that give rise to disputes. If a disagreement arises between them, try to resolve it through gentleness rather than harshness, and do not side with either one.
Polygamy and women’s perspective:
Islam is entirely a religion of mercy; it does not wrong anyone. By nature, a woman feels that a second marriage is an oppression and injustice against her. For this reason, a woman does not like her husband to take a second wife.
We wish to say to our Muslim sisters that if you bring your self under the Shariah and look to the collective benefit rather than your own benefit, and also reflect on the purpose of marriage and the wisdoms of polygamy, then your heart will surely be satisfied with Allah’s decision.
The wisdom of polygamy:
First, keep in mind that one of the wisdoms of marriage is to increase the number of Muslims, through which the Prophet ﷺ will take pride on the Day of Resurrection. Likewise, protecting the chastity is also among the purposes of marriage.
◆ Plurality of marriage is a command of Allah, and no command of Allah is without some wisdom, whether our limited intellect comprehends it or not.
◆ Naturally, the number of women in the world is greater, and outside the home, because of men’s work, problems, quarrels, murders and strife, it is men who suffer more losses. If every man were content with one marriage, the marriage of the remaining women would become a complicated problem. Today, one cause of the curse of dowry is the abundance of girls; if girls were fewer, boys would pay money to get married. The abundance of girls is not a problem, provided people contract multiple marriages. Today people have abandoned marriage and sought the path of adultery, so Allah has spread the disease of AIDS among them.
◆ Women go through certain specific stages during which the husband stays away from his wife. In that situation, a man who has a strong desire for intercourse will either take a second marriage, or take the path of adultery, or else benefit from his wife in an unlawful manner. In all these cases, a second marriage is permissible and preferable.
◆ Some men have a naturally greater sexual desire; for such people too, the lawful path is a second marriage, otherwise they will take the wrong path.
◆ Some people do not have children from one wife, and they spend their lives in despair, but through a second marriage many people become parents.
◆ Marrying a widow, a divorcee, or an older woman (because of some illness or defect, or because a proposal was delayed for a long time, which is very commonly seen today, especially if the girl is dark-skinned, disabled or poor) is considered shameful by people; if someone marries such women, that man is looked upon with contemptuous eyes. Marrying such women, where kindness and good treatment are shown to them, also fulfills the purposes of marriage.
◆ Plurality of marriage gives strong help in protecting chastity in this age of trials.
Permission from the first wife for a second marriage:
There is a misconception spread among people about a second marriage: that a man cannot marry a second time without the permission of his first wife. This is indeed a misconception, and in Islam it has no basis. In the matter of a second marriage, the man is independent; he does not need permission from his first wife, because the need for a second marriage belongs to the man and not to the woman (who is already married), so the question of asking her does not arise. Moreover, there is no evidence in the Qur’an and Hadith for seeking permission from the first wife.
However, if a person, as a matter of kindness, consults his first wife or informs her of the second marriage, there is no harm in it.
First wife’s demand for divorce upon a second marriage:
Some women become so enraged at a second marriage that they forcefully demand from the husband that he divorce the second wife, and they make various threats of dying or killing. For any woman to make such a demand is not permissible; rather, it is disobedience to the command of Allah and His Messenger.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
لا يحِلُّ لامرأةٍ تسألُ طلاقَ أختِها؛ لِتَستفرِغَ صَحفَتَها، فإنَّما لها ما قُدِّرَ لها
Translation: It is not lawful for any woman to demand the divorce of her sister so that she may empty her bowl for herself and marry; rather, she will get only what has been decreed for her.
Therefore, women should exercise patience and bring their own selves under the Shariah. Consider this: if you were a widow or a divorcee and a man married you, would you be happy or sad? It is Satan who removes affection from people’s hearts and keeps whispering discord, so we have to contend not with co-wives but with Satan.
Concealing a second marriage from the first wife:
Some people marry a second time and conceal it from their first wife so that no dispute arises and any sudden harm can be avoided. Scholars have permitted concealing a second marriage from the first wife for this kind of consideration.
We want to add to this that one should first try to convince the first wife about the second marriage, so that the sudden news of the second marriage does not become a cause of strife between the two families and the children.
If you truly feel the need for a second marriage, on the condition that you will be able to be just between the two, and the first wife opposes the second marriage and in no way wants to agree with your view, you may still marry, whether you inform her or not. In that case, concealing the second marriage is not as serious a matter as regarding the ruling of a second marriage as contemptible or oppressive.
Objections to a second marriage and their answers
It is commonly objected to plural marriage that co-wives end up in conflict among two or three wives. It is indeed seen in the subcontinent. Whose fault is this?
In Saudi Arabia too there are plural marriages, but the environment is not like that of India and Pakistan. What is the reason for this? First, understand that conflict is part of human life; wherever two people live, differences of opinion are inevitable, and often conflict arises from these differences of opinion. Second marriage is not the only cause of conflict; there is conflict between one wife and husband as well. The frequency of divorce is clear evidence of this. Yes, disagreement increases among more than one wife, and a man can remove it through good conduct and good management. The life of the Prophet ﷺ is an invaluable example for us, and he had eleven wives. Even among those wives, minor disagreements are seen. This does not mean at all that because of disagreement or conflict a second marriage cannot be contracted, or that the command of Allah should be denied.
Another objection is raised, which is generally made by non-Muslims, and some modern-minded Muslims are also included in it: when a man can contract more than one marriage, why can a woman not? A woman may also contract a second marriage, but not at the same time, that is, not while one husband is present. If the husband dies, the woman may contract a second marriage; if the husband divorces her, she may contract a second marriage; likewise, if the husband goes missing, she may also contract a second marriage, but she cannot keep several husbands at once. The underlying reason is that Allah the Exalted has permitted only men to keep several wives at the same time; this right has not been given to women. Jealousy plays a major role in this wisdom, since no man likes to share his wife.
The weakness of women, illness (menstruation, postnatal bleeding, etc.), the lesser sexual desire compared to men, and the inability to fulfil several husbands’ duties (in serving husbands, in raising children, in managing household affairs, etc.) also prevent a woman from having several husbands at the same time. If a woman has several husbands at once, there is also the possibility of sexual disease. Another difficulty is the mixing of semen (lineage). Apart from domestic strife, who will decide and how will it be decided when the woman stays with which husband, how she raises the children, how she handles household work, and how she fulfils the many responsibilities of different husbands? These are matters for which there is no way of resolution, and for this reason Islam has not permitted a woman to have several husbands at the same time.
