Marriage is the name of a strong relationship between husband and wife, which is based on mutual love and sympathy and brings peace to each other. Allah Almighty says:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
)
Translation: And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who reflect.
One may have everything in life, but if peace is not attained, life is of no use. Allah, out of mercy for His servants, created for them wives from their own kind so that by marrying them, a person makes life pleasant and peaceful. But nowadays, the atmosphere of affection and sympathy between husband and wife is not seen. In many homes, there is unrest, quarrels, hatred, and animosity. This is why divorce is frequently given in Muslim societies and the home of husband and wife is broken. The question arises: Marriage is done for affection, peace, and establishing a home, so why do we see such bad scenes today?
This very question compelled me to write this article, hoping that someone’s home may be established, someone’s hatred may turn into mutual love, and life may again be lived with peace and tranquility.
Allah says: وَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ الذِّكْرَىٰ تَنفَعُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
Translation: And continue to remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers.
Those who consider marriage a trivial matter and are unaware of its requirements often break this relationship very easily out of ignorance. Besides this, other causes are found, such as misunderstanding, anger, ego, prejudice, oppression, and compulsion. However, unfamiliarity with the rights of spouses and fearlessness of Allah are major reasons for the destruction of marital life.
Before explaining the rights of spouses, it will be very beneficial to know five most important points.
The first thing is that even before performing the marriage contract, in fact, at the time of seeking the girl’s proposal, one should correct their intention and make the intention that I am marrying to protect chastity and modesty, to have peace in life, to obtain righteous offspring, and to gain cooperation in religious matters. When the intention is good, Allah will grant the ability to find a good match, and there will be stability in the relationship after marriage, and the pure objectives of marriage will also be achieved. Imam Bukhari, may Allah have mercy on him, records the hadith about intention first in Sahih Bukhari, in which it is explained that all actions depend on intention. Marriage is also an important action; if one has a good intention for it, it will have a good effect on life, and if one has a bad intention, it will have a bad effect on life.
The Prophet ﷺ said: إنَّما الأعْمالُ بالنِّيّاتِ، وإنَّما لِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ ما نَوَى، فمَن كانَتْ هِجْرَتُهُ إلى دُنْيا يُصِيبُها، أوْ إلى امْرَأَةٍ يَنْكِحُها، فَهِجْرَتُهُ إلى ما هاجَرَ إلَيْهِ(صحيح البخاري:1)
Translation: All actions depend on intention, and every person will get the result of every action according to their intention. So, whoever migrates (leaves his homeland) for worldly wealth or for marrying a woman, then his migration will be for those things for which he migrated with that intention.
The second point is that fundamentally men need to understand that the women whom we marry and bring home, we have strong commitments with them. Allah’s command is: وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا(النساء:21)
Translation: And those women have taken from you a firm covenant.
Here, the firm covenant means that the man makes a strong commitment to keep the wife well.
The third point is that through marriage our home is established and a new life begins. The better this beginning is, the deeper its impact on future life. Therefore, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ commanded to marry a righteous woman and to be successful. The Prophet ﷺ said:
تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَجَمَالِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ(صحيح البخاري:5090)
Translation: Marriage is based on four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So marry a religious woman and be successful; if you do not, your hands will be covered with dust (meaning you will be regretful in the end).
The Prophet ﷺ described the condition of worldly people who marry for wealth, lineage, and beauty. You, O believers, marry based on religion and marry a religious girl. If you marry a religious girl, you will be successful, and if you oppose this, you will have to regret it. One of the major reasons for our destruction today is not making religion the criterion in marriage. This hadith is proof of this, and an even clearer mention is found in another hadith, where the Prophet ﷺ said: إذا خطبَ إليكم مَن ترضَونَ دينَه وخلقَه ، فزوِّجوهُ إلَّا تفعلوا تَكن فتنةٌ في الأرضِ وفسادٌ عريضٌ(صحيح الترمذي:1084)
Translation: If a man comes to you with a marriage proposal whose religion and character satisfy you, then marry your guardian to him. And if you do not do this, there will be great turmoil and corruption on the earth.
Therefore, my brothers! If you want to save your homes, bring peace to your life, and firmly establish your relationship, then make religion the criterion in marriage. A religious and righteous wife is the greatest wealth in the world. The Prophet ﷺ said: الدنيا متاع، وخير متاع الدنيا: المراة الصالحة(صحیح مسلم:3649)
Translation: The world is “a possession” (a temporary provision) and the best “possession” (beneficial provision) in the world is a righteous woman.
A righteous wife is the greatest wealth in the world because she values her husband, fulfills his rights, maintains a religious atmosphere at home, provides religious upbringing to the children, and helps her husband in religion and faith.
Thawban (may Allah be pleased with him) said that once they were on a journey, some of the companions said to the Prophet that if we knew which wealth was better, we would adopt that. So the Prophet said: أَفْضَلُهُ لِسَانٌ ذَاكِرٌ، وَقَلْبٌ شَاكِرٌ، وَزَوْجَةٌ مُؤْمِنَةٌ تُعِينُهُ عَلَى إِيمَانِهِ(صحيح الترمذي:3094)
Translation: The best wealth is that a person has a tongue that remembers Allah, a grateful heart, and a wife who is a believing woman who helps strengthen his faith.
The fourth point is that Allah Almighty has made the man the guardian of the woman; he manages the household, takes care of it, and provides for the wife and children. For this reason, Allah has given the man superiority over the wife, but rights have been prescribed for both. Allah Almighty says: وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ (البقرۃ:228)
Translation: And women have rights similar to those against them, according to what is equitable, but men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
Therefore, the husband should not think that Islam has given the wife no status, no rights, that he can keep her as he wishes, beat her without reason, keep her at home or send her away, use her and then divorce her without any consequence. Absolutely not. The wife has rights just like the husband has rights.
The fifth point is that the matter of people’s rights is very important. Whoever, whether a Muslim man or woman, wrongs someone and dies in that state, there will be severe questioning before Allah, and the oppressed will be given full justice. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: The bankrupt among my Ummah on the Day of Judgment will be the one who comes with prayers, fasting, and zakat, but who has insulted someone, accused another of adultery, consumed the wealth of a third, shed the blood of a fourth, and beaten a fifth. Then the good deeds of those people whom he wronged will be given to him, and if his good deeds are exhausted before his sins are cleared, then their sins will be transferred to him, and finally, he will be thrown into Hell.
Therefore, each spouse should fulfill their rights and fear Allah from violating those rights.
Now, I will explain the rights of spouses. There are three types of rights here: some rights are mutual between spouses, meaning both must fulfill them for each other; some rights are specific to the husband, and some are specific to the wife. Due to the fear of lengthiness, I will suffice with explaining the important rights among these three types.
Mutual Rights Between Husband and Wife
(1)Mutual Cooperation for Obedience to Allah:
The foundation of marriage is compatibility, meaning religiosity. To protect this religion and to practice it, husband and wife should cooperate with each other. Allah Almighty says:
وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ وَلَا تَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْإِثْمِ وَالْعُدْوَانِ ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ ۖ إِنَّ اللَّهَ شَدِيدُ الْعِقَابِ
Translation: Help one another in righteousness and piety, and do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is severe in penalty.
This command of Allah is general that everyone should help each other in good deeds and no one should assist in evil deeds. When this is a command for ordinary people, then it is all the more obligatory for husband and wife because from these two the first home is formed, and then from many homes society and community are established. Consider an important hadith in this matter; Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) says that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
رحم الله رجلا قام من الليل فصلى وايقظ امراته، فإن ابت نضح في وجهها الماء، رحم الله امراة قامت من الليل فصلت وايقظت زوجها، فإن ابى نضحت في وجهه الماء(صحيح أبي داود:1308)
Translation: May Allah have mercy on the person who gets up at night and prays and wakes his wife as well; if she does not get up, then he should sprinkle water on her face. May Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night and prays and wakes her husband as well; if he does not get up, then she should sprinkle water on his face.
This hadith encourages mutual cooperation between husband and wife in religious matters. If the husband is doing a religious act, he should call his wife to join him, and if the wife is doing a good deed, she should include her husband in it as well.
Some people think that commanding the wife to do good deeds is only the husband’s duty, not the wife’s. This is a misconception. Remember, just as the husband is responsible for the wife, the wife is equally responsible for the husband. If the husband is irreligious, neglects prayer, is a drunkard, gambler, shameless, and commits disbelief and disobedience, then it is the wife’s religious duty to reform her husband. If the husband reforms and returns to religion, that is good; otherwise, the wife may separate from such a husband. The same responsibility applies to the man regarding an irreligious wife.
(2)Living life with good conduct:
It is the duty of both husband and wife to love each other, support each other, treat each other kindly, deal with each other with gentleness and sympathy, overlook each other’s human faults (errors in religious matters should be corrected), and practice forgiveness and tolerance. They should be each other’s comfort in happiness and sorrow and support each other in every way to establish a pleasant and peaceful atmosphere at home.
Allah Almighty has commanded: وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ(النساء:19)
Translation: Treat them well.
This command is primarily for men because they marry and bring the wife into the home; however, the wife is equally obligated to live with the husband in good conduct.
The man is the ruler and supervisor of the household, so he has a great responsibility to live well with his family. If the husband behaves well, it will surely have a good effect on the wife, and the wife will also behave kindly. The Prophet ﷺ said: خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي( صحيح الترمذي:3895)
Translation: The best among you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.
The Prophet ﷺ said to Jabir, may Allah be pleased with him: فَهَلَّا جَارِيَةً تُلَاعِبُهَا وَتُلَاعِبُكَ وَتُضَاحِكُهَا وَتُضَاحِكُكَ؟(صحیح البخاری:5367)
Translation: Why did you not marry a virgin girl? You would play with her, and she would play with you; you would joke with her, and she would laugh with you.
For good conduct, there should be mutual love, cooperation, kindness, compassion, and sympathy from both sides, as the above hadith encourages natural love between the parties.
From another hadith, see an example of the Prophet ﷺ’s good conduct with his wife. It is narrated from Umm al-Mu’minin Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, that she was traveling with the Prophet ﷺ. She said that she raced with him and won. Then when she became tired, she raced again, and he won. Upon this, the Prophet ﷺ said: This victory is in exchange for that victory.
Running is a kind of play, and such interaction between husband and wife is a sign of mutual love, sympathy, and a happy life.
If you also want to make your home pleasant, peaceful, and life the best, then it is necessary to implement three basic things. These three things will ensure the durability of the marriage relationship.
* After marriage, for the relationship to remain established and strong and for the home environment to be peaceful, it is necessary to have mutual unity, meaning both should live together harmoniously and avoid disagreements.
* The second thing is that for mutual unity, mutual affection and love are essential, with selfless love for each other.
* The third thing is that for mutual love, gentleness, sympathy, goodwill, and kindness towards each other are needed so that you overlook each other’s faults and only consider the beneficial and positive aspects. These three basic things are necessary for the durability of the relationship, a good home environment, and a happy society. These three things are mentioned in Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21, where the words litaskunu (peace), mawaddah (love), and rahmah (compassion) appear.
(3) Chastity: The Prophet ﷺ commanded strong young men to marry and said: يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنْ اسْتَطَاعَ منكُم الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ(صحیح البخاري:5066و صحیح مسلم :1400)
Translation: O young men! Whoever among you has the means, let him marry, for marriage lowers the gaze and protects the private parts well. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.
The purpose of marriage here is explained as the protection of the eyes and private parts. Therefore, after marriage, each spouse should guard their gaze and private parts and fulfill their desires in a lawful manner. Men can enjoy their wives in any way except for certain acts prohibited by Islam, such as anal intercourse and intercourse during menstruation and postpartum bleeding. Each spouse should consider the other’s desires and help whenever needed. The Prophet ﷺ said: إذا الرَّجلُ دعا زوجتَهُ لحاجتِهِ فلتأتِهِ ، وإن كانت علَى التَّنُّورِ(صحيح الترمذي:1160)
Translation: When a husband calls his wife to fulfill his need, she should come even if she is at the oven.
The Prophet ﷺ said: إذا دعا الرجلُ امرأتَهُ إلى فراشِهِ فأَبَتْ ، فبات غضبانَ عليها ، لعنتها الملائكةُ حتى تُصبحَ(صحيح البخاري:3237)
Translation: When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
These hadiths do not mean that if a wife does not fulfill her husband’s desire, she alone is cursed; the husband also has the responsibility to consider her desires, and whoever neglects this matter will be accountable regarding rights. Islam has so much goodness that fulfilling desires in a lawful way is rewarded. The Prophet ﷺ said:
وَفِي بُضْعِ أَحَدِكُمْ صَدَقَةٌ، قَالُوا: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَيَأتِي أَحَدُنَا شَهْوَتَهُ، وَيَكُونُ لَهُ فِيهَا أَجْرٌ؟، قَالَ: أَرَأَيْتُمْ لَوْ وَضَعَهَا فِي حَرَامٍ أَكَانَ عَلَيْهِ فِيهَا وِزْرٌ، فَكَذَلِكَ إِذَا وَضَعَهَا فِي الْحَلَالِ كَانَ لَهُ أَجْرٌ(صحیح مسلم:2329)
Translation: And there is charity in every joint of a person’s body. People asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Is there a reward for one of us who fulfills his desire with his wife?” He ﷺ said: “Why not? If he spends it in what is forbidden, would it not be a burden? Likewise, when he spends it in what is lawful, there is a reward.”
Therefore, spouses should fulfill their desires naturally and lawfully; this will bring reward, protect chastity and modesty, and they should avoid unnatural and Western methods of fulfilling desires. To learn about the etiquettes and rulings of intercourse, please read “The Method of Intercourse and Some of Its Etiquettes and Issues” on my blog.
(4) Protection of Marital Secrets:
Allah Almighty says: هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ(البقرۃ:187)
Translation: They are your garments and you are their garments.
Allah has described each spouse as the garment of the other. This means that just as there is nothing between clothing and the body, similarly, the relationship between husband and wife is such that there is no barrier between them. They are each other’s confidants and protectors of secrets. Therefore, neither husband nor wife should disclose their private matters, whether related to intimacy, human errors, natural weaknesses, or even their mutual secrets and needs, to anyone—neither in the husband’s family nor in the wife’s family. Sharing the intimate enjoyment between husband and wife is especially prohibited. The Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنَّ مِنْ أَشَرِّ النَّاسِ، عَنْدَ اللَّهِ مَنْزِلَةً يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الرَّجُلَ يُفْضِي إِلَى امْرَأَتِهِ وَتُفْضِي إِلَيْهِ، ثُمَّ يَنْشُرُ سِرَّهَا(صحیح مسلم:3542)
Translation: The worst person in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the one who goes to his wife and she comes to him (i.e., they are together), and then he reveals her secret.
In Sahih Muslim, a chapter is established on this hadith titled: ((باب تَحْرِيمِ إِفْشَاءِ سِرِّ الْمَرْأَةِ)) meaning: Chapter: It is forbidden to disclose a woman’s secret.
Nowadays, husbands share not only mutual talks with other men and wives with other women but also share scenes of kissing and intimacy in the form of photos and videos. In Western culture, lovers are called a couple, while we Muslims only call a boy and girl a couple when they are united through the lawful bond of marriage.
Anyway! Due to the widespread publication of obscene materials by Western illicit couples, Muslim couples are also influenced and share obscene scenes. Such people should fear Allah. Let us take a lesson from a hadith.
Once, men and women were gathered, and the Prophet ﷺ first addressed the men and asked: Is there anyone among you who comes to his wife, closes the door, draws the curtain, and hides in the veil of Allah? The people replied: Yes. Then the Prophet ﷺ said: After that, he sits among the people and says: I did this, I did that. Hearing this, the people remained silent. After the men, the Prophet ﷺ turned to the women and asked if any of them did such things. They also remained silent, but a young woman stood on one knee to raise herself so that the Prophet ﷺ could see and hear her. She said: O Messenger of Allah! Both men and women do such talk. The Prophet ﷺ said: Do you know what such a person is like? Then he himself said: He is like that devilish woman who meets a devilish man in the street, fulfills her desire with him, and people see her.
Wife’s Rights (Husband’s Responsibilities)
(1) Payment of Mahr:
Among the rights of the wife, the most important is the payment of the agreed dowry by the husband. Allah Almighty says: وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً(النساء؛4)
Translation: And give the women their dowries willingly.
There is a severe warning for those who take advantage of their wives and then leave them after taking the dowry. It is narrated from Abdullah bin Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) that the Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ الذُّنوبِ عندَ اللهِ رجلٌ تَزَوَّجَ امرأةً فلمَّا قَضَى حاجَتَهُ مِنْها طَلَّقَها و ذهب بِمَهْرِها( السلسلة الصحيحة:999)
Translation: The person who has committed the greatest sin in the sight of Allah is the one who marries a woman, fulfills his need from her, then divorces her and takes her dowry.
One type of dowry theft is the marriage of Nikah Shighar. Nikah Shighar (Satah Watah marriage) is when a man marries his daughter, sister, or ward on the condition that the other party marries one of his female relatives, and both marriages are done without any dowry. This is an unlawful marriage, and even if dowry is fixed in such conditional marriages, the Satah Watah marriage is invalid. However, if two families mutually marry two separate couples without any conditional marriage, then there is no harm in such marriages.
In any case, it is better to give the dowry at the time of marriage, but if it cannot be given at that time, then it should be given to the wife as soon as possible after the marriage so that the husband’s obligation is lifted; otherwise, he will be answerable on the Day of Judgment.
How much should the dowry be? The Prophet ﷺ used to give his wives five silver dirhams as dowry.
One dirham weighs 2.975 grams of silver. Multiplying by five hundred gives (500*2.975=1487.5), which is approximately one and a half kilograms of silver. Abdul Rahman bin Awf (may Allah be pleased with him) gave his wife a gold bracelet as dowry equal to the weight of a date seed, which was equivalent to five dirhams, approximately (5*2.975=14.875) one and a half tola of gold. One companion gave land in Khyber as dowry, Thabit bin Qais (may Allah be pleased with him) gave a garden as dowry to his wife, and one companion who had nothing to give as dowry taught his wife the Quran as dowry. Saeed bin Musayyib, one of the great Tabi‘in, arranged his daughter’s marriage to one of his students and fixed two dirhams as dowry.
In summary, there is no fixed item or amount for dowry. The groom can give the wife whatever he wishes and whatever pleases her, whether it is land, a house, jewelry, or cash.
(2) Maintenance:
The husband is responsible for all the basic expenses of the wife, including the cost of food, accommodation or its expenses, clothing or its expenses, and medical treatment expenses. It is mentioned in Sahih Muslim (2950) that the Prophet ﷺ gave many rulings of religion on the occasion of Hajj al-Wada, among which he also gave several advices regarding women. First, he advised piety “فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ” Fear Allah in matters concerning women. It is obvious that without piety, a man cannot be trustworthy in the matter of his wife. Then he also said: “وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ” And their right upon you is that you feed them and clothe them according to custom.
This matter has also been mentioned by Allah in the Quran, the divine command is: وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ(البقرة:233)
Translation: And those who have children, their (parents) are responsible for their bread and clothing according to custom.
The husband is the provider for the wife and children, therefore he should work hard after marriage to earn lawful sustenance and support his wife and children with lawful provision. It is not permissible to be lazy in earning or stingy in feeding. The Prophet ﷺ said: كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يَحْبِسَ عَمَّنْ يَمْلِكُ قُوتَهُ(صحیح مسلم:2312)
Translation: It is enough sin for a person to withhold the expenses of those whose food he is responsible for.
On one hand, the husband should not be lazy or negligent in earning and feeding, and on the other hand, he should give the wife her necessary expenses from what he earns, neither withholding her expenses nor being stingy in giving them. Otherwise, the wife may take her right from the husband’s wealth without informing him. It is narrated from Sayyida Aisha رضي الله عنها that Sayyida Hind bint Utbah رضي الله عنها said, O Messenger of Allah!
إنَّ أبا سفيانَ رجلٌ شحِيحٌ ، وليسَ يُعْطيني ما يَكفيني وولدي إلا ما أخذتُ منهُ ، وهو لا يعلمُ ، فقالَ :خُذي ما يكفيكِ وولدَكِ بالمعروفِ(صحيح البخاري:5364)
Translation: Indeed Abu Sufyan رضي الله عنه is a stingy man and does not give me enough wealth to suffice me and my children except that I take some wealth unknowingly. The Prophet ﷺ said: You may take as much wealth as is sufficient for you and your children according to custom.
Fortunate are those who earn lawful sustenance and spend happily on their family. There are many benefits for such people, one of which is that spending on family with the intention of pleasing Allah and earning reward is considered charity. The Prophet ﷺ said: إِذَا أَنْفَقَ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ يَحْتَسِبُهَا فَهُوَ لَهُ صَدَقَةٌ(صحیح البخاری:55)
Translation: When a person spends on his family with the intention of reward, then it is charity for him as well.
Whoever spends wealth on his family for the sake of Allah’s pleasure will neither earn wealth by wrongful means nor will he cause hardship to his family due to lack of wealth. Here, the wife should also avoid making unlawful demands from her husband, avoid competing with other women, and refrain from extravagance and wastefulness.
(3) Clothing:
The husband is responsible for providing his wife not only with food but also with clothing according to his status, meaning he will fulfill the clothing needs of his wife as he dresses himself. This is supported along with the evidence for maintenance.
(4) Residence:
It is obligatory upon the man to arrange a spacious house or a sufficient residence for his wife. Allah Almighty says: أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ(الطلاق:6)
Translation: Keep those women with you in the place where you live according to your means.
This verse refers to the returning divorced wife (revocable divorce) and instructs to arrange residence for her according to one’s status. Since the husband is obligated to provide residence for the divorced wife, it is even more necessary to provide residence for the wife.
Issue of the wife’s residence in a joint family:
Here, one issue to clarify is that generally in the subcontinent, a joint family system operates where the husband keeps the wife in the house built by his father, and due to different people living together, the wife faces various difficulties. Even over minor matters, other family members often drive her out of the house, which is an insult to the woman. In such a situation, if the wife demands separate accommodation, it is obligatory upon the husband to provide accommodation for her according to his ability. The responsibility of accommodation lies with the husband, not the father-in-law. Therefore, if there are difficulties in the joint family, the wife can demand separate accommodation from the husband, even if it is in the same place, but it must be accommodation provided by the husband so that no one else can drive her out of that place. Sometimes the wife starts demanding a personal house; in such cases, the wife should make the demand considering the husband’s ability and willingness. As a right, the wife can only demand accommodation, not a house.
Living abroad after leaving the wife:
Sometimes a husband lives separately in another country due to work or other reasons, which raises the question: can a husband live abroad leaving his wife behind when the purpose of marriage is the union of husband and wife?
The answer is that if the wife agrees and both can be patient, meaning they can protect chastity while being patient, then the husband can live in another country away from his wife. There is no fixed duration for when he must return to his homeland; he may come back after a year or two when necessary, and there is no religious objection to this. However, if the wife does not permit, then he cannot go abroad. In such a case, the husband should stay with his wife or take her along with him. Similarly, if living apart creates a fear of falling into sin, then the husband should stay with his wife even if she permits otherwise, because the main purpose of marriage is the protection of the eyes and private parts.
(5) Husband’s honor for the wife:
A husband should be protective and possessive for his wife; he should safeguard her honor and dignity as he would protect his own body and life. It is the husband’s obligatory responsibility to prevent strange men from entering the wife’s home, and even to stop those women and people who cause discord and ruin the household between husband and wife.
It is narrated from Sayyiduna Uqbah bin Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: إِيَّاكُمْ وَالدُّخُولَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ، فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ الْأَنْصَارِ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، أَفَرَأَيْتَ الْحَمْوَ، قَالَ: الْحَمْوُ الْمَوْتُ(صحیح مسلم:5674)
Translation: Children, stay away from going to women. A man from the Ansar asked: O Messenger of Allah! What if it is the brother-in-law? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The brother-in-law is death.
Ibn Wahb said: I heard from Laith bin Saad (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: In the hadith where it is mentioned that “the brother-in-law is death,” the term “brother-in-law” refers to the husband’s close relatives such as the husband’s brother or his uncle’s son (all those close relatives of the husband with whom it is permissible for the woman to marry are included in “brother-in-law” and she should observe hijab from them, except for the husband’s father, grandfather, or son, who are mahrams and from whom hijab is not obligatory).
From this hadith, it is understood that the husband should keep his wife in such a way and place that no one except the woman’s mahrams enters her room. In a joint family, especially, the brother-in-law frequently visits the sister-in-law’s house and even jokes with her, and the sister-in-law does not observe hijab from the brother-in-law, whereas all this is forbidden. No strange man should be alone with a woman (even if he is a brother-in-law), and joking with the brother-in-law by the sister-in-law is forbidden; she should observe hijab from him, not speak to him alone in the house, and indeed not even allow him to enter the house, fearing Allah. It is obvious that to implement these matters, the husband is needed; the husband should be protective and not allow immorality to enter his home.
Look at the protectiveness of Saad (may Allah be pleased with him). It is narrated from Mughira (may Allah be pleased with him) that Saad bin Ubadah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
لَوْ رَأَيْتُ رَجُلًا مَعَ امْرَأَتِي لَضَرَبْتُهُ بِالسَّيْفِ غَيْرَ مُصْفَحٍ، فَبَلَغَ ذَلِكَ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَقَالَ: أَتَعْجَبُونَ مِنْ غَيْرَةِ سَعْدٍ، لَأَنَا أَغْيَرُ مِنْهُ، وَاللَّهُ أَغْيَرُ مِنِّي(صحیح البخاری:6846)
Translation: If I see a strange man with my wife, I would strike him with the edge of my sword. When this reached the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), he said: Are you surprised at Saad’s protectiveness? I am more protective than him, and Allah is more protective than me.
This is the kind of protectiveness a man should have for his wife because lack of protectiveness is immodesty, which is the worst trait and leads to Hell.
It is narrated from Abdullah bin Umar that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ثلاثةٌ قد حرَّم اللهُ عليهم الجنةَ : مُدمنُ الخمرِ ، و العاقُّ ، و الدَّيُّوثُ الذي يُقِرُّ في أهلِه الخُبْثَ(صحيح الجامع:3052)
Translation: Allah has forbidden Paradise for three types of people: one who drinks alcohol, one who disobeys his parents, and one who is a diyooth (lacking protectiveness) who tolerates immorality and wickedness among his family members.
Tolerating lack of protectiveness among family means that the women of the house engage in immoral acts, wear revealing clothes, maintain relations with strange men, joke with them, go out with non-mahram men, and perform dancing and singing in public, while the man sees this immorality and says nothing. Such a man is a diyooth.
Therefore, both believing men and women must be protective and not tolerate lack of protectiveness in themselves or their homes. They must also avoid causes that lead to immorality in the home, such as strange men entering the woman’s home, women going to markets adorned or wearing revealing clothes, etc. The woman herself should not allow any strange man to enter the house; if someone forces entry, she should inform her husband and observe Islamic hijab when going outside and avoid places of temptation.
Undoubtedly, the man must be protective, but he should not suspect his wife without reason. Similarly, the woman should not suspect her husband without reason, and if they hear any immoral talk about each other from someone, they should not believe it until they investigate and find solid proof.
(6)Establishing justice and equality among multiple wives:
Islam has permitted men to marry more than one wife, but this permission is conditional upon justice and fairness. Allah Almighty says:
فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً(النساء؛4)
Translation: Marry women of your choice, two, three, or four; but if you fear that you will not be just, then marry only one.
There are three conditions for marrying more than one wife. One condition is justice, meaning the husband must be able to maintain equality and fairness among all wives. The second condition is that he must have the ability to provide food, clothing, shelter, and other necessities to all. The third condition is that he must have the capacity to have conjugal relations with all wives. In other words, he must be able to fulfill the rights, needs, love, conjugal relations, gifts, comfort, and peace of all his wives with justice and fairness, and have the means to provide sustenance along with conjugal relations. Only then should he marry a second wife; otherwise, he should not. Therefore, one should not marry a second wife to satisfy selfish desires, fulfill whims, or show off, but only out of necessity and with the ability to maintain justice. Those who do not maintain justice among their wives should fear Allah’s punishment and remember this hadith. Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
مَن كانت لَهُ امرأتانِ فمالَ إلى إحداهما، جاءَ يومَ القيامةِ وشقُّهُ مائلٌ(صحيح أبي داود:2133)
Translation: Whoever has two wives and inclines towards one of them, on the Day of Judgment, one side of his body will be inclined.
Among the rights and etiquettes of having more than one wife is that the wives should not be kept in the same room; rather, separate rooms or separate accommodations should be arranged for each. The husband should assign nights fairly for each to spend, feed them equally, clothe them equally, give gifts, and take care of their medical treatment. He should neither scold nor beat one wife in front of the other, should not discriminate among their children, should love all equally, and treat all with kindness and sympathy. If the husband maintains justice among his wives, the wives will surely live together harmoniously.
(7) Granting khula on the grounds of seeking khula due to an excuse:
Sometimes, husband and wife do not get along, and living together becomes difficult. In such cases, the husband has the authority to give a divorce; whenever he wants to separate from his wife, he can do so by divorcing her. However, the matter is different for the wife. If she wants to separate from her husband, she must ask for khula (divorce initiated by the wife). If the husband grants khula, then they separate, or in unavoidable circumstances, the judge annuls the marriage. The mention of khula here is to indicate that if the wife requests khula from her husband, the husband should consider her matter; if she has a valid reason and wants separation, he should grant khula.
Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them) narrated that the wife of Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and said:
يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، مَا أَنْقِمُ عَلَى ثَابِتٍ فِي دِينٍ وَلَا خُلُقٍ إِلَّا أَنِّي أَخَافُ الْكُفْرَ(صحیح البخاری:5276)
Translation: O Messenger of Allah! I have no complaint about Thabit’s religion or character, but I fear that I may be ungrateful to him. Upon this, the Prophet (peace be upon him) asked her if she could return the garden (which he had given as dowry). She said yes. So she returned the garden, and by the command of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Thabit (may Allah be pleased with him) separated from her.
Many men marry but neither fulfill the rights of their wives, nor divorce them, nor grant khula when requested. Such men should fear Allah due to their injustice, and those sisters should also fear Allah who seek separation from their husbands without a valid reason.
Thawban (may Allah be pleased with him) said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ سَأَلَتْ زَوْجَهَا طَلَاقًا مِنْ غَيْرِ بَأْسٍ فَحَرَامٌ عَلَيْهَا رَائِحَةُ الْجَنَّةِ(صحیح الترمذی:1187)
Translation: Whoever asks for divorce from her husband without any reason, the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.
(8) Fulfilling the conditions of marriage:
Uqbah bin Aamir رضي الله عنه narrated that the Messenger of Allah صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said:
أَحَقُّ الشُّرُوطِ أَنْ تُوفُوا بِهِ مَا اسْتَحْلَلْتُمْ بِهِ الْفُرُوجَ(صحيح البخاري:2721)
Translation: The conditions by which you have made the private parts of women lawful are most deserving of being fulfilled.
Nikah itself is a contract between husband and wife, and because of it, both have some separate and some mutual rights that must be fulfilled by both. From this hadith, it is also understood that it is permissible to set conditions at the time of Nikah, and the conditions agreed upon must be fulfilled after the Nikah. One of the conditions of Nikah is the dowry (mahr), through which the private parts are made lawful, and it is obligatory for the man to pay it. Besides the dowry, if the girl sets any condition, for example, she wants a separate house, or the man should not marry again during her lifetime, or the man should observe prayers and fasting, or the man himself says to the girl, “If you marry me, I will give you a house” or “I will give you ten tolas of gold,” etc., then the conditions agreed upon after the Nikah must be fulfilled by the man.
Here it should be noted that unlawful demands are not acceptable from either the girl or the man. For example, if the girl sets a condition that the first wife must be divorced, or the man sets a condition that you should not observe purdah from your family, such conditions will not be accepted. Within moderation, the lawful conditions agreed upon between the boy and girl at the time of the Nikah contract must be fulfilled after the marriage.
Husband’s Rights (Wife’s Responsibilities)
(1) Obedience to the husband in good deeds:
Here understand one rule well, the Prophet ﷺ said: الطَّاعَةُ فِي الْمَعْرُوفِ.(صحیح البخاری:4340)
Translation: Obedience is commanded only in good deeds.
Keeping this hadith in mind, understand well that a wife should obey only those commands of her husband which are lawful and related to goodness, but she will not obey any unlawful command of her husband, whether it is about food and drink, clothing, sexual relations, matters of dealings, or acts of worship and commandments. It is the wife’s responsibility to fulfill the husband’s rights and obey good commands, and refuse bad commands.
If the husband calls her to bed, she should immediately respond and fulfill his need. The Prophet ﷺ said: إذا الرَّجلُ دعا زوجتَهُ لحاجتِهِ فلتأتِهِ ، وإن كانت علَى التَّنُّورِ(صحيح الترمذي:1160)
Translation: When a husband calls his wife to fulfill his need, she should come, even if she is at the oven.
The Prophet ﷺ said: إذا دعا الرجلُ امرأتَهُ إلى فراشِهِ فأَبَتْ ، فبات غضبانَ عليها ، لعنتها الملائكةُ حتى تُصبحَ(صحيح البخاري:3237)
Translation: When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses to come, and the husband spends the night angry with her, then the angels curse that woman until morning.
If the husband is at home and forbids voluntary fasting, she should refrain; if he forbids going out without permission, she should refrain; if he forbids immodesty, she should obey; if he forbids talking to non-mahrams, she should obey. The wife should obey all such commands from the husband. Here I want to mention an important and famous hadith for women which they should memorize and implement in life, InshaAllah both this world and the hereafter will be better.
It is narrated from Sayyiduna Anas bin Malik رضي الله عنه that the Noble Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وآلہ وسلم said:
إذا صلَّتِ المرأةُ خَمْسَها ، و صامَت شهرَها ، و حَفِظَت فرْجَها ، وأطاعَت زَوجَها ، دخَلتِ الجنَّةَ(صحيح الجامع:661)
Translation: When a woman prays five prayers, fasts in the month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise through whichever gate you wish.
The four things mentioned in this hadith should be considered obligatory by every wife.
The Issue of Wife’s Disobedience:
The husband should overlook the wife’s occasional disobedience, but if she persistently disobeys and insists on disobedience, usually the husband, in a fit of emotion, immediately gives divorce. This is completely wrong. Islam has given us a long process for correction, which must be followed first; when there is no room for correction, then the path of separation should be chosen. What is the process of correction between husband and wife? Allah says:
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
Translation: And those women from whom you fear disobedience and ill-conduct, admonish them and leave them alone in beds and beat them. Then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. And if you fear a dispute between them and the men, appoint an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted.
In these two verses of Surah An-Nisa, Allah commands the husband that if the wife behaves ill or disobeys, first admonish her. This is the first stage. Admonishment is not done in anger, nor is scolding considered admonishment. Explaining the commands of Allah and His Messenger and inviting the wife to obedience and compliance in a gentle and loving tone is called admonishment. Allah says, admonish, for admonishment benefits the believers.
The second stage of correction: The husband continues to advise and admonish the wife for a suitable period, tries to persuade and please her. If she still insists on disobedience, then in the second stage, he separates the wife’s bed and expresses mild displeasure. This displeasure is not intended to cause harm to the wife or to expel her from the house, but is for the purpose of correction.
Third Stage:
If separating the bed, becoming angry, and stopping communication do not lead to the wife’s reform, then now an attempt will be made to correct her through light physical discipline. By light physical discipline is meant that which does not cause wounds on the body, does not cause bleeding, does not break bones, or affect any part.
These were the three stages of domestic correction through which the wife’s disobedience is to be removed, but if reform is not achieved through these three domestic remedies, then a fourth corrective remedy is to be used: both husband and wife will summon other family members as arbitrators (sincere judges) and every possible effort will be made to reconcile between them. The verse indicates that if the arbitration is done sincerely with the intention of reconciliation, then Allah will pave the way for reform. Despite all efforts and attempts, if reconciliation between husband and wife is not possible, then with the consent of both husband and wife, they may be separated.
In any case! The matter of husband and wife concerns the rights of people (Huquq al-‘Ibad). While the wife must avoid disobedience to the husband, the husband must also avoid oppression and injustice towards the wife. It is narrated from Sayyiduna Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: لَتُؤَدُّنَّ الْحُقُوقَ إِلَى أَهْلِهَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ حَتَّى يُقَادَ لِلشَّاةِ الْجَلْحَاءِ مِنَ الشَّاةِ الْقَرْنَاءِ(صحیح مسلم:6580)
Translation: You will fulfill the rights of the rightful on the Day of Judgment until even the hornless goat’s right will be taken from the horned goat.
(2) Residing in the Husband’s House:
After marriage, the girl’s own home becomes her husband’s home, and now she has to reside in that home and not step outside without her husband’s permission. Allah Almighty has commanded: وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ وَلَا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الْأُولَىٰ
Translation: And stay quietly in your homes and do not display yourselves like the times of ignorance of old.
The woman is the mistress of the house; she has to stay at home and manage household affairs. External tasks such as earning a livelihood, providing necessary items for the house, and managing the household are the duties of men, which is why men are called the rulers over women. Thus, the essence of a woman is to stay at home and fulfill domestic responsibilities; however, when necessary, she may go outside with her husband’s permission, and when a Muslim woman goes outside, she must do so observing complete Islamic hijab. Here, observe the saying of the Prophet ﷺ:
Narrated Abdullah bin Mas’ud رضي الله عنه that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: الْمَرْأَةُ عَوْرَةٌ فَإِذَا خَرَجَتِ اسْتَشْرَفَهَا الشَّيْطَانُ(صحیح الترمذی:1173)
Translation: A woman is a complete veil; when she goes out, Satan watches her.
This means that there is satanic temptation in a woman going outside the home, so the more she stays at home, the better it is for her. It is also obligatory upon men to provide the necessary items for the woman at home so that she does not have to go outside. Imam Dhahabi wrote that Fatimah bint Attar al-Baghdadiyyah went out of her house only three times in her life: once when she got married, the second time when she went for Hajj, and the third time when she passed away. (Tarikh al-Islam by Dhahabi)
(3) Adorning oneself for the husband:
Adorning oneself for the husband is one of the important responsibilities of a wife. Allah has placed in a woman such an ability along with attraction that she can turn her husband’s hatred into love with her true appearance, her charming and sweet speech. The woman who beautifies herself for her husband, who adorns herself for him, and who always comes before him laughing and smiling with beauty and adornment, her husband will never hate her. Nowadays, women do dress up for going to the market, for outings, and for others, but in front of their husbands, they come with shabby clothes, despair, and a dirty appearance. When the situation is like this, gradually the husband’s attraction towards the wife begins to fade. A woman is something for the husband to benefit from, so she should always remain like that so that the husband finds peace and continues to benefit. Abu Huraira رضي الله عنه says that the Messenger of Allah صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said:
خيرُ النِّساءِ التي تَسُرُّهُ إذا نَظَرَ ، و تُطِيعُهُ إذا أمَرَ ، لا تُخالِفُهُ في نَفسِها و لا مالِها بِما يَكرَهُ(صحيح الجامع:3298)
Translation: The woman who, when her husband looks at her, pleases him; when he commands her, obeys him; and does not oppose him in matters she dislikes regarding herself or her wealth.
How can a husband be pleased if his wife frowns and keeps a sour face? Therefore, the wife must remain beautiful and true for her husband.
When the Prophet ﷺ was returning from a jihad and was entering the city of Madinah, he said: أَمْهِلُوا حَتَّى تَدْخُلُوا لَيْلًا أَيْ عِشَاءً لِكَيْ تَمْتَشِطَ الشَّعِثَةُ وَتَسْتَحِدَّ الْمُغِيبَةُ(صحیح البخاری:5079)
Translation: Stay a little while and enter after nightfall so that those with disheveled hair may comb it, and those whose husbands are not present may clean their hair.
The wife must adorn herself for the husband, and the husband should also adorn himself for the wife, wear fine clothes, speak pleasantly, and if there is any bad odor from the body or mouth, he should use fragrant things to remove it, apply oil, and groom himself. In other words, the husband should also remain fine and clean for the wife. Many women complain about their husbands being unclean, and many wives even separate from such men. Therefore, the husband should also take care of his appearance and adornment.
(4) Being grateful to the husband:
The husband is a great benefactor for the wife; he fulfills all her needs and is the best companion in her happiness and sorrow. Therefore, the wife should always be grateful to her husband.
In Tabarani’s Mu’jam al-Saghir, under the Book of Manners, this hadith is present.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Aisha! When Allah gathers the creatures on the Day of Judgment, He will ask among His servants one who has been shown kindness by someone: ‘Have you thanked your benefactor?’ He will say: ‘O my Lord! I thought this was from You, so I thanked You.’ Allah will say: ‘You have not thanked Me as long as you have not thanked the person through whom I bestowed My favor upon you.'”
In another hadith, Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) says that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
لا يَشْكُرُ اللهَ مَن لا يَشْكُرُ الناسَ(صحيح أبي داود:4811)
Translation: Whoever does not thank people, does not thank Allah (either).
The wife has many favors from the husband, so the wife should be grateful to the husband. However, many women are ungrateful to their husbands, which can sometimes cause humiliation in this world and the outcome in the Hereafter is very bad. In this regard, consider a few hadiths and reform yourselves.
Abu Sa’id Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) went out towards the Eidgah on Eid al-Adha or Eid al-Fitr and passed by the women and said:
يا معشر النساء تصدقن، فإني رأيتكن أكثر أهل النار . فقُلْن : وبم ذلك يا رسولَ اللهِ ؟ قال تكثرن اللعن، وتكفرن العشير(صحيح البخاري:1462)
Translation: O group of women! Give charity and do good deeds, for I have been shown that the majority of the inhabitants of Hell are you. They asked: O Messenger of Allah, why is that? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: You curse frequently and disobey your husbands.
Hazrat Asma bint Yazid narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
إياكنَّ و كفرانَ المُنعَّمِينَ لعلَّ إحداكنَّ تطولُ أيمتُها من أبويها ، ثم يرزقُها اللهُ زوجَها و يرزقُها منه ولدًا ، فتغضبُ الغضبةَ فتكفرُ ، فتقول : ما رأيتُ منك خيرًا قطُّ( صحيح الأدب المفرد:800)
Translation: Beware of being ungrateful to good husbands. Then he said: Among you, there is a woman who remains unmarried in her parents’ house for a long time, then Allah gives her a husband and she bears children. Then she becomes angry over some matter and disbelieves, saying to her husband: You have done me no favor.
(5) Serving the Husband:
Whether it is obligatory for a wife to serve her husband or not, the correct view is that it is obligatory for a wife to serve her husband in the customary manner. Serving the husband includes cooking for him, feeding him, washing clothes, making the bed, cleaning the house and utensils, taking care of the husband’s children, and raising them well, etc.
In the era of the Prophet, the type of household work was performed by the wife, such as Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) used to operate the mill, bake bread, and do household chores. The pure wives themselves used to cook and feed the Prophet ﷺ. It is mentioned in the incident of Al-Ifk that when Lady Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) was accused, the Prophet ﷺ asked Barirah (may Allah be pleased with her) about Aisha, and she replied:
مَا رَأَيْتُ أَمْرًا أَكْثَرَ مِنْ أَنَّهَا جَارِيَةٌ حَدِيثَةُ السِّنِّ تَنَامُ عَنْ عَجِينِ أَهْلِهَا، فَتَأْتِي الدَّاجِنُ، فَتَأْكُلُهُ(صحيح البخاري:7369)
Translation: I saw nothing other than that she was a young girl who would sometimes fall asleep while kneading dough, and the neighbor’s goat would come and eat it.
Similarly, in Sahih Muslim (668), Lady Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates that she used to scrape the semen from the clothes of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (meaning she would scratch it off because it was thick), and then the Prophet ﷺ would wear those clothes and pray.
From these two hadiths, it is understood that Lady Aisha used to cook at home and also clean clothes.
Asma bint Abi Bakr (may Allah be pleased with her) used to do all the household work in the house of her husband Zubair ibn Al-Awwam (may Allah be pleased with him). Consider this hadith from Sahih Bukhari (5234):
Asma bint Abi Bakr (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that when Zubair (may Allah be pleased with him) married me, he had only one camel and no wealth, no slave, no possessions on the face of the earth except his horse. I used to graze his horse, give it water, sew his saddle, and knead the dough. I could not bake good bread. Some girls from the Ansar used to bake my bread. They were very truthful and loyal women. The land that Zubair (may Allah be pleased with him) had, which the Messenger of Allah ﷺ had given him, I used to bring date pits on my head from that land to the house. This land was about two miles (approximately four kilometers) away from my house.
These few examples prove that in the era of the Prophet, the household work was done by women. Similarly, today women should perform the service of their husbands and their household. If the husband stays at home and can help with household chores, then he should assist his wife in household work. The Prophet ﷺ also used to help his wives with household chores. If the husband does not stay at home or returns late due to work, then it is not possible for him to help with household work. However, if the wife is weak or ill and necessarily needs help with household work, then according to ability, a servant should be arranged or the husband should help himself.
Joint Family System and Serving the Mother-in-Law by the Daughter-in-Law:
There are major issues for us in joint families, one of which is that usually in a joint family, the daughter-in-law is considered a servant. It is considered the daughter-in-law’s responsibility to cook, feed, clean, serve every member of the household, and keep everyone happy. A woman cannot properly serve her husband; how can she alone serve all the family members including mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, elder brother-in-law, sister-in-law, etc., and also keep everyone happy? For this reason, the daughter-in-law is often oppressed in the joint family system. The daughter-in-law’s responsibility is to serve her husband and her own children, not the rest of the family members, but she is forcibly made to serve the mother-in-law and father-in-law.
If the joint system can function with everyone’s cooperation and in an atmosphere of love, then there is no harm in it. In such a system, the daughter-in-law will serve the mother-in-law and father-in-law out of kindness and good treatment. But when there is no atmosphere of love, oppression occurs, rights are violated, there is immodesty and disorder, then the man should live separately with his wife so that the wife can properly serve her husband and arrange good upbringing and education for her children. Sometimes the wife refuses to serve her husband or behaves arbitrarily in the joint family and oppresses others. Such a daughter-in-law should fear Allah and fulfill her responsibilities with honesty.
(6) Protecting the Husband’s Property:
The wife’s personal property, whether in the form of cash or jewelry, is owned by the wife, and she can dispose of it as she wishes. However, the wealth earned by the husband belongs to him. It is the wife’s responsibility to safeguard this wealth, and it is not permissible to dispose of anything from it without the husband’s permission.
Abu Umamah Bahili (may Allah be pleased with him) says that in the year of the Farewell Pilgrimage, I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say in his sermon:
لا تنفقُ امرأةٌ شيئًا من بيتِ زوجِها إلَّا بإذنِ زوجِها قيلَ يا رسولَ اللَّهِ ولا الطَّعامُ قالَ ذاكَ أفضلُ أموالِنا(صحيح الترمذي:670)
Translation: A woman should not spend anything from her husband’s household without his permission. People asked: O Messenger of Allah! Should she not even give food to anyone? He (peace be upon him) replied: Yes, not even food; this is the best of our wealth.
From this hadith, it is understood that a woman cannot give even a small item from her husband’s belongings to anyone without his permission. However, if the husband has already permitted giving food and minor charity, then there is no need to seek permission for every small thing. But for important or large matters or when spending a significant amount of wealth, she should seek permission from her husband before disposing of his wealth.
If the husband is stingy in basic expenses, then the wife may take what is necessary from the husband’s wealth without permission or knowledge.
(7) If the husband dies during the wife’s lifetime, a mourning period of four months and ten days should be observed:
Allah Almighty has given the husband a high status; a righteous wife respects his dignity and always treats him with courtesy and respect. One of the rights of the husband over the wife is that if the husband passes away during her lifetime, she must observe the waiting period (iddah) of four months and ten days (a total of one hundred and twenty-five days) in the husband’s house and mourn for him. This is the command of Allah, and a woman who opposes this will be sinful.
Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَاجًا يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًا(البقرة: 234)
Translation: And those of you who die and leave behind wives, they shall keep themselves in waiting for four months and ten days.
And the Prophet ﷺ said: لا يحلُّ لامرأةٍ تؤمنُ باللهِ واليومِ الآخرِ أنْ تحدَّ على ميِّتٍ فوقَ ثلاثِ ليالٍ ، إلَّا على زوجٍ أربعةَ أشهُرٍ وعشرًا
Translation: It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for anyone more than three days, except for her husband, for whom she should mourn for four months and ten days.
Mourning means refraining from adornments and avoiding matters related to marriage. The waiting period is to be spent in the husband’s house, and during this time, she should not go outside unnecessarily. During mourning, adornments such as flashy clothes, jewelry, bangles, rings, anklets, etc., should not be worn.
There is a misconception in society that marriage is dissolved upon the husband’s death, so the wife cannot see the husband’s face. This is incorrect and has no basis in Islam. Upon the husband’s death, the wife can see his face and may even perform the ghusl (ritual washing) for him if she wishes. She will inherit a share from the husband’s estate, and in the Hereafter, if both husband and wife enter Paradise, they will live together.
For detailed rulings regarding the wife, refer to the blog of the author titled “Rules and Issues of a Widow.”
