Excerpt from “Ahkām wa Masāʾil fī Ḍawʾ al-Kitāb wa al-Sunnah” by Shaykh Mubashir Ahmad Rabbānī ◈
❖ Question:
I am the only Ahl-e-Ḥadīth in my family, while the rest are involved in shirk (polytheism) and bidʿah (innovations). How should I maintain my relations with them? What is the ruling on attending their rituals such as teesra (third day), satwān (seventh), daswān (tenth), chālīswan (fortieth), and weddings?
❖ Answer:
You should treat your relatives with kindness and good conduct. The Noble Prophet ﷺ instructed the Sahābah (Companions) to uphold the ties of kinship even with their idolatrous relatives.
Hazrat Asmāʾ bint Abī Bakr رضي الله عنها narrated:
“My mother, who was a polytheist at the time, came to visit me during the peace treaty between the Prophet ﷺ and the Quraysh. I asked the Prophet ﷺ, ‘My mother has come and she desires my favor; should I maintain ties with her?’
He ﷺ replied: Yes, keep ties with your mother.”
📚 [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Book of Gifts, Chapter on Giving to Polytheists – Ḥadīth: 2620]
Likewise, the Qur’ān commands:
﴿وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا﴾
“And accompany them in this world with kindness.”
[Sūrah Luqmān: 15]
This means that even if the parents are disbelievers or involved in shirk, one must deal with them in a good and respectful manner.
❖ Summary of Guidelines:
① Maintain ties of kinship (ṣilah raḥmī) with your parents and relatives.
② Treat them with excellent manners, kindness, and compassion.
③ Continue to invite them to Tawḥīd (monotheism) and the way of the Qur’ān and Sunnah — with wisdom and patience.
④ If they say harsh or offensive words, bear them with patience — there is blessing and reward in enduring this for the sake of Allah ﷻ.
⑤ However, refrain from participating in rituals and customs that are contrary to Sharīʿah, such as:
- Teesra, Satwān, Daswān, Chālīswan (post-death rituals)
- Weddings involving music, drums, singing, intermingling, or immodesty
⑥ You may attend their weddings or happy occasions to maintain family ties, but remain separate from any un-Islamic activities taking place there.
May Allah grant you steadfastness and acceptance in your actions. Āmīn.
