✿ Feeling Embarrassed to Condemn Backbiting and Gossip ✿
This content is derived from the book “500 Questions and Answers for Women,” based on the fatwas of the Scholars of the Ḥaramayn, translated by Ḥāfiẓ ʿAbdullāh Salīm.
I am a young girl who despises gossip and tale-carrying. Sometimes, I find myself among people who, while talking about others, end up committing backbiting. Internally, I detest their behavior and feel distressed, but due to shyness, I am unable to stop them or leave the gathering. I always wish they would change the subject. In such a situation, am I sinful for remaining with them? What should I do?
Yes, if you do not object to the sinful behavior, you are considered sinful. You must advise them and, if they accept your words, then all praise is due to Allah. However, if they persist, then it is necessary for you to leave their company.
Allah ﷻ commands:
«وَإِذَا رَأَيْتَ الَّذِينَ يَخُوضُونَ فِي آيَاتِنَا فَأَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ حَتَّىٰ يَخُوضُوا فِي حَدِيثٍ غَيْرِهِ»
“And when you see those who engage in [blasphemous] discourse concerning Our verses, then turn away from them until they engage in another topic…”
[6: Al-Anʿām: 68]
The Prophet ﷺ also said:
«من رأى منكم منكرا فليغيره بيده، فإن لم يستطع فبلسانه، فإن لم يستطع فبقلبه، وذلك أضعف الإيمان»
“Whoever among you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand. If he cannot, then with his tongue. If he still cannot, then with his heart—and that is the weakest of faith.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim]
This means that remaining silent in the face of evil without even disapproving it in the heart, or showing any sign of displeasure, is a sign of weak faith.
Therefore, even if you are shy, you must do what is within your capacity:
✔ Gently advise them.
✔ If unable, then leave their company until they stop their sinful talk.
✔ At the very least, disapprove of it in your heart and do not show approval with smiles or silence.
Important Note: The Qur’ān and Sunnah emphasize distancing oneself from gatherings where sin is committed if one cannot change it. Your continued presence while feeling uncomfortable is a sign of faith, but your action must reflect your disapproval too.
May Allah strengthen your resolve, guide your heart, and protect you from the sins of the tongue and gatherings of heedlessness.
(Fatwa by: Shaykh Ibn Bāz رحمه الله)
This content is derived from the book “500 Questions and Answers for Women,” based on the fatwas of the Scholars of the Ḥaramayn, translated by Ḥāfiẓ ʿAbdullāh Salīm.
❖ Question:
I am a young girl who despises gossip and tale-carrying. Sometimes, I find myself among people who, while talking about others, end up committing backbiting. Internally, I detest their behavior and feel distressed, but due to shyness, I am unable to stop them or leave the gathering. I always wish they would change the subject. In such a situation, am I sinful for remaining with them? What should I do?
❖ Answer:
Yes, if you do not object to the sinful behavior, you are considered sinful. You must advise them and, if they accept your words, then all praise is due to Allah. However, if they persist, then it is necessary for you to leave their company.
Allah ﷻ commands:
«وَإِذَا رَأَيْتَ الَّذِينَ يَخُوضُونَ فِي آيَاتِنَا فَأَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ حَتَّىٰ يَخُوضُوا فِي حَدِيثٍ غَيْرِهِ»
“And when you see those who engage in [blasphemous] discourse concerning Our verses, then turn away from them until they engage in another topic…”
[6: Al-Anʿām: 68]
The Prophet ﷺ also said:
«من رأى منكم منكرا فليغيره بيده، فإن لم يستطع فبلسانه، فإن لم يستطع فبقلبه، وذلك أضعف الإيمان»
“Whoever among you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand. If he cannot, then with his tongue. If he still cannot, then with his heart—and that is the weakest of faith.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim]
This means that remaining silent in the face of evil without even disapproving it in the heart, or showing any sign of displeasure, is a sign of weak faith.
Therefore, even if you are shy, you must do what is within your capacity:
✔ Gently advise them.
✔ If unable, then leave their company until they stop their sinful talk.
✔ At the very least, disapprove of it in your heart and do not show approval with smiles or silence.
Important Note: The Qur’ān and Sunnah emphasize distancing oneself from gatherings where sin is committed if one cannot change it. Your continued presence while feeling uncomfortable is a sign of faith, but your action must reflect your disapproval too.
May Allah strengthen your resolve, guide your heart, and protect you from the sins of the tongue and gatherings of heedlessness.
(Fatwa by: Shaykh Ibn Bāz رحمه الله)
