Essential Islamic Guidelines on Condolence and Mourning Practices

❖ English Translation ❖
Source: Extracted from Ṣaḥīḥ Namāz-e-Nabawī ﷺ by Shaykh ʿAbd al-Raḥmān ʿAzīz, published by Maktabah Dār al-Andalus

✿ The Virtue and Method of Offering Condolences (Taʿzīyah)​

❖ Definition and Purpose of Condolence (Taʿzīyah):​

Taʿzīyah means to advise the relatives of the deceased to be patient, to instill hope of reward in the Hereafter, and to share in their sorrow in order to lessen their grief. Below are a few examples of how the Prophet ﷺ offered condolences, so Muslims may learn the prophetic manner of offering taʿzīyah:

✿ Words of Condolence from the Prophet ﷺ​

➊ Condolence at the Death of a Child
The Prophet ﷺ said:

❝O so-and-so! Which of the two options do you prefer—that you benefit from your child during your lifetime, or that he goes ahead of you and opens the door of Paradise for you on the Day of Judgment?❞
He replied: ❝O Messenger of Allah! I prefer that he goes ahead and opens the door of Paradise for me.❞
The Prophet ﷺ said: ❝That has been decreed for you.❞

Reference: an-Nasa'i: 2090

➋ The Prophet ﷺ said in condolence:

إن لله ما أخذ وله ما أعطى وكل عنده بأجل مسمى، فلتصبر ولتحتسب
❝To Allah belongs what He takes, and to Him belongs what He gives. Everything with Him has an appointed term. So be patient and seek reward from Allah.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 1224

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 923

➌ To an Anṣārī Woman
The Prophet ﷺ said:

❝I heard that you expressed excessive grief over your child.❞
Then he advised her to fear Allah and be patient.
She said: ❝Why should I not grieve? I am raqūb—my children do not survive. This child was my only one, and now he too is gone.❞
The Prophet ﷺ said: ❝Raqūb is one whose child survives (and from whom she only benefits in this world).❞

Then he said:
❝Any Muslim whose three children die and he seeks reward with patience, Allah will admit him to Paradise due to them. And if two die, then due to two as well.❞

Reference: al-Mustadrak al-Ḥākim: 1416 – Ḥasan

➍ Condolence to a Woman on Her Husband’s Death
The Prophet ﷺ said:

❝O Allah! Forgive Abū Salamah, raise his status in the Hereafter, be the guardian of his family left behind, O Lord of the Worlds! Forgive us and him, expand his grave and fill it with light.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 920

➎ Condolence to a Son on His Father's Death
The Prophet ﷺ said:

❝O Allah! Be the guardian of the family of Jaʿfar, and bless the earnings of his son ʿAbdullāh.❞
He repeated this duʿā three times.

Reference: Musnad Aḥmad: 1750 – Ṣaḥīḥ ʿalá shart Muslim

❖ Letter of Condolence
Sayyidunā Zayd ibn Arqam رضي الله عنه wrote a letter of condolence to Sayyidunā Anas ibn Mālik رضي الله عنه, in which he included a Hadith of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to give glad tidings.

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 4906

Reference: Ibn Ḥibbān: 72810 – Ṣaḥīḥ chain

❖ These are a few samples of Prophetic words. Similar words may be used in one’s own language, provided they do not contradict Sharīʿah.

❖ Misconceptions Regarding Taʿzīyah Gatherings​

✿ Sitting at a Fixed Place for Three Days​

It is commonly assumed that mourning for three days means sitting in one place with mats spread out while people continuously visit for condolences. This is not the correct practice.

➤ Imām al-Shāfiʿī رحمه الله said:
❝Gathering for the sake of expressing sorrow is makrūh (discouraged), even if there is no crying involved, because it renews grief and increases expenses.❞

Reference: al-Umm: 1/248

➤ Imām al-Nawawī رحمه الله said:
❝Sitting specifically for taʿzīyah is disliked. The heirs should return to their normal activities, and whoever meets them may offer condolences. There is no difference between men and women in this matter.❞

Reference: al-Majmūʿ: 5/306

❖ Providing Food to Guests During Taʿzīyah​

There is no ḥadīth proving that the bereaved family should arrange food for visitors after burial. However, if guests have come from afar, feeding them is permissible.

Instead, it is the duty of relatives and neighbors to prepare food for the grieving family and their guests.

The Prophet ﷺ said when the martyrdom of Jaʿfar رضي الله عنه was reported:

اصنعوا لآل جعفر طعاماً فإنه أتاهم أمرٌ شغلهم
❝Prepare food for the family of Jaʿfar, for a matter has preoccupied them.❞

Reference: Sunan Abī Dāwūd: 3132

Reference: Jāmiʿ al-Tirmidhī: 998 – Ḥasan

If it is obligatory for others to provide food to the bereaved family, how can it be justified that the family themselves host meals on the 1st, 3rd, 10th, and 40th days?

➤ Imām Ibn al-Humām Ḥanafī رحمه الله said:
❝Hosting meals by the bereaved is makrūh and an evil innovation.❞

Reference: Fatḥ al-Qadīr: 1/473

✿ Rules Concerning Mourning for the Husband​

It is obligatory for a woman to mourn the death of her husband.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

لا يحل لامرأة تؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر أن تحد على ميت فوق ثلاث، إلا على زوج، فإنها تحد عليه أربعة أشهر وعشرا
❝It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for any deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband—for him, she must mourn for four months and ten days.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 1280

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 1486

The Prophet ﷺ said:

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ، اللَّهُمَّ أَجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا
❝Indeed, we belong to Allah, and to Him we shall return. O Allah, reward me in my calamity and replace it with something better.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 918

✿ Rules for the Mourning Wife (Mutawaffá ʿanhā)​

✔ Refrain from all forms of adornment.
✔ Applying slight perfume after menstrual purification is permitted.

➤ Umm ʿAṭiyyah رضي الله عنها said:

❝We were prohibited from kohl, perfume, and dyed clothes during mourning, except for cloth dyed before weaving. We were allowed to apply a small amount of ʿuḍ (a type of incense) during ghusl after menses.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 5341

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 3740

✔ Even if the eyes are hurting, applying kohl is forbidden.

➤ Umm Salamah رضي الله عنها said:
A woman came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, “My daughter’s husband passed away and her eyes are hurting. Can she use kohl?” He replied: “No!”

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 5336

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 1488

✔ Applying medicinal eye drops (without beautification) is allowed.
✔ Dyeing hair with henna is not allowed during mourning.

➤ Umm Salamah رضي الله عنها said:

❝When Abū Salamah died, I had applied aloe to my eyes. The Prophet ﷺ asked, “What is this, O Umm Salamah?” I replied: “It is aloe; it has no fragrance.” He said: “It brightens the face; apply it at night and wash it off during the day. Do not use perfume or henna.”
I asked, “What should I use for combing?”
He replied: “Use the leaves of the lotus tree (sidr).”

Reference: Sunan Abī Dāwūd: 2305

Reference: Sunan an-Nasa'i: 3567 – Ḥasan by Ibn Ḥajar

✔ She must remain in the same home where her husband died, unless unsafe or impossible.

➤ Farīkah bint Mālik رضي الله عنها said:
I asked the Prophet ﷺ if I could move to my relatives as my husband left neither house nor provision. He replied: ❝Remain in the house until your ʿiddah ends.❞

Reference: Sunan Abī Dāwūd: 2300

Reference: Sunan at-Tirmidhī: 1204

Reference: Sunan Ibn Mājah: 2031 – Ṣaḥīḥ

✔ She may go out for necessities.
➤ Jābir رضي الله عنه said:
My aunt was divorced and wanted to collect dates from her orchard. Someone objected. She asked the Prophet ﷺ, who said: ❝Go and collect your dates.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 1483

✿ Duration of Mourning​

✔ For pregnant women, ʿiddah ends at childbirth:
وَأُولَاتُ الْأَحْمَالِ أَجَلُهُنَّ أَنْ يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ
[at-Ṭalāq: 4]
❝The waiting period of pregnant women is until they deliver.❞

✔ For non-pregnant women, it is four months and ten days:
وَالَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنْكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَاجًا...
[al-Baqarah: 234]

✿ Mourning Over Others (Non-Husband)​

✔ It is ḥarām for a woman to mourn anyone other than her husband for more than three days.

➤ Zaynab bint Abī Salamah رضي الله عنها narrated:
When news of Abū Sufyān’s death came from Syria, Umm Ḥabībah رضي الله عنها (his daughter and the wife of the Prophet ﷺ) applied perfume on the third day and said:

❝I do not need this perfume, but I heard the Prophet ﷺ say: It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for anyone other than her husband beyond three days.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 1280

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 1486

✔ Mourning over others is not obligatory. Not doing so is better.

➤ Anas رضي الله عنه narrated:
The son of Abū Ṭalḥah was ill and died in his absence. His wife concealed the news, served dinner, and did not display sorrow. In the morning, she informed him.
When Abū Ṭalḥah informed the Prophet ﷺ, he said: ❝May Allah bless both of you in this night of yours.❞

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 1301

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 2144

✿ Prohibited Mourning Practices​

Observing silence for a minute or more in someone’s honor — a non-Muslim custom.
Wearing black or designated mourning colors.
Shaving the head, beard, or mustache in grief.

➤ Abū Mūsá al-Ashʿarī رضي الله عنه narrated:
The Prophet ﷺ cursed the woman who wails loudly, shaves her head, or tears her garments during grief.

Reference: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī: 1296