❀ Responsibilities of Husband and Wife in Light of the Hadith of Sayyiduna Jabir (RA) ❀
Written by: Hafiz Muhammad Tahir
Sayyiduna Jabir ibn ʿAbdullah al-Ansari (رضي الله عنه) narrates:
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked him,
“O Jabir! Have you married?”
He replied, “Yes.”
The Prophet ﷺ asked, “To a virgin or a previously married woman?”
Jabir said, “To a previously married woman.”
The Prophet ﷺ said,
“Why not to a young girl so you could play with her and she could play with you?”
Jabir replied,
“O Messenger of Allah! My father was martyred at the Battle of Uhud and left behind nine sisters. So I preferred to marry a mature woman who could take care of them and attend to their cleanliness.”
The Prophet ﷺ said,
“You have done the right thing.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari: 4052]
This narration shows that if the husband's family—such as parents or younger siblings—need assistance, the wife should not reject such responsibility outright, even though it is not legally binding upon her.
Islamic etiquette and good character (ḥusn al-muʿāsharah) encourage that a wife willingly contributes and supports her husband in caring for his family.
If a husband expects certain duties from his future wife, such as care for his family, these should be discussed before marriage.
If a society has an established custom (ʿurf) where daughters-in-law are expected to serve their in-laws, then objecting post-marriage is inappropriate.
Sayyiduna Jabir (RA) stated his purpose for marriage was to care for his sisters. It is likely this was a customary expectation or pre-marital understanding.
The Prophet ﷺ endorsed his reasoning, saying:
"You have done the right thing."
This affirms the validity of social norms and prior agreements, when not in conflict with Shariʿah.
If no such custom exists, or if the wife clearly refuses beforehand, she cannot be forced into in-law service.
It is impermissible to violate mutual agreements after marriage.
Just as the husband fulfills societal duties, the wife should also willingly support the family out of love and kindness—not merely on the basis of obligation.
Merely saying, “It’s not my duty,” reflects a rigid and inconsiderate mindset.
Refusing all forms of support to in-laws based on influences from secular ideologies or media contradicts Islamic ethics.
Neglecting necessary service to elderly or needy in-laws is against the spirit of Islam.
Sayyidah Fatimah (RA), the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ, performed household tasks to the extent that blisters appeared on her hands.
[Sahih al-Bukhari: 5361]
The Prophet ﷺ did not exempt her from this, showing that such duties are part of good character and family cooperation.
Ibn Hajar (رحمه الله) notes that the Prophet ﷺ gave no special ruling to Fatimah (RA) regarding household chores.
This proves that such service is part of maʿrūf (honorable behavior).
[Fath al-Bari]
Scholars agree that while childcare is not obligatory on the wife in legal terms, it falls under ḥusn al-muʿāsharah and is a mark of righteous character.
Like Jabir (RA), the husband should assign only necessary and reasonable responsibilities to his wife.
Burdening the wife with excessive in-law duties is unjust and contrary to Islam.
Forcing the daughter-in-law to work as a servant, or oppressing her through in-laws like sisters-in-law (nand), is unjust and prohibited.
The husband must act with justice and fairness.
If the husband promised separate accommodation before marriage, he must honor that promise.
Breaking such agreements after marriage is impermissible.
This Hadith teaches a balanced and moderate approach regarding spousal responsibilities.
✔ A wife should, out of good character, support her husband’s family where needed.
✔ The husband must consider the wife’s comfort and not overburden her.
✔ A harmonious marriage is only possible when both spouses operate within the ethical and compassionate framework of Islam.
وَاللّٰهُ أَعْلَمُ بِالصَّوَابِ
Written by: Hafiz Muhammad TahirThe Hadith
Sayyiduna Jabir ibn ʿAbdullah al-Ansari (رضي الله عنه) narrates:
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked him,
“O Jabir! Have you married?”
He replied, “Yes.”
The Prophet ﷺ asked, “To a virgin or a previously married woman?”
Jabir said, “To a previously married woman.”
The Prophet ﷺ said,
“Why not to a young girl so you could play with her and she could play with you?”
Jabir replied,
“O Messenger of Allah! My father was martyred at the Battle of Uhud and left behind nine sisters. So I preferred to marry a mature woman who could take care of them and attend to their cleanliness.”
The Prophet ﷺ said,
“You have done the right thing.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari: 4052]
Key Insights from the Hadith
➊ Service to Husband’s Family
This narration shows that if the husband's family—such as parents or younger siblings—need assistance, the wife should not reject such responsibility outright, even though it is not legally binding upon her.
Islamic etiquette and good character (ḥusn al-muʿāsharah) encourage that a wife willingly contributes and supports her husband in caring for his family.
➋ Importance of Pre-Marital Clarity
If a husband expects certain duties from his future wife, such as care for his family, these should be discussed before marriage.
If a society has an established custom (ʿurf) where daughters-in-law are expected to serve their in-laws, then objecting post-marriage is inappropriate.
➌ Upholding Custom or Agreements
Sayyiduna Jabir (RA) stated his purpose for marriage was to care for his sisters. It is likely this was a customary expectation or pre-marital understanding.
The Prophet ﷺ endorsed his reasoning, saying:
"You have done the right thing."
This affirms the validity of social norms and prior agreements, when not in conflict with Shariʿah.
➍ Balanced Understanding of a Wife’s Responsibilities
If no such custom exists, or if the wife clearly refuses beforehand, she cannot be forced into in-law service.
It is impermissible to violate mutual agreements after marriage.
Shared Responsibilities of Husband and Wife
➊ Voluntary Participation
Just as the husband fulfills societal duties, the wife should also willingly support the family out of love and kindness—not merely on the basis of obligation.
Merely saying, “It’s not my duty,” reflects a rigid and inconsiderate mindset.
➋ Islamic Ethics: Service with Grace
Refusing all forms of support to in-laws based on influences from secular ideologies or media contradicts Islamic ethics.
Neglecting necessary service to elderly or needy in-laws is against the spirit of Islam.
Example from the Life of Fatimah (RA)
Sayyidah Fatimah (RA), the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ, performed household tasks to the extent that blisters appeared on her hands.
[Sahih al-Bukhari: 5361]
The Prophet ﷺ did not exempt her from this, showing that such duties are part of good character and family cooperation.
Scholarly Views
Ibn Hajar (رحمه الله) notes that the Prophet ﷺ gave no special ruling to Fatimah (RA) regarding household chores.
This proves that such service is part of maʿrūf (honorable behavior).
[Fath al-Bari]
Childcare as a Shared Duty
Scholars agree that while childcare is not obligatory on the wife in legal terms, it falls under ḥusn al-muʿāsharah and is a mark of righteous character.
Balance and Justice in In-Law Relations
➊ Fair Distribution of Duties
Like Jabir (RA), the husband should assign only necessary and reasonable responsibilities to his wife.
Burdening the wife with excessive in-law duties is unjust and contrary to Islam.
➋ Avoiding Oppression
Forcing the daughter-in-law to work as a servant, or oppressing her through in-laws like sisters-in-law (nand), is unjust and prohibited.
The husband must act with justice and fairness.
➌ Honoring Pre-Marital Promises
If the husband promised separate accommodation before marriage, he must honor that promise.
Breaking such agreements after marriage is impermissible.
Conclusion
This Hadith teaches a balanced and moderate approach regarding spousal responsibilities.
✔ A wife should, out of good character, support her husband’s family where needed.
✔ The husband must consider the wife’s comfort and not overburden her.
✔ A harmonious marriage is only possible when both spouses operate within the ethical and compassionate framework of Islam.
وَاللّٰهُ أَعْلَمُ بِالصَّوَابِ
