This excerpt is taken from Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradawi's book Halal and Haram in Islam, translated into Urdu by Muhammad Tahir Naqqash.
Social Rights of the Spouses
Nikah is the firm covenant that Allah Almighty has made a means of connection between a man and a woman. Each individual among them is called a spouse after marriage because he or she is the partner of the other and feels the pain of the other in their heart.
The Holy Quran has depicted this bond as follows:
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
"They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them."
Reference: (Surah Al-Baqarah: 187)
This indicates that spouses should be united, covering each other's faults, supporting one another, and being a source of adornment for each other. In other words, both have rights over each other which must be fulfilled without any negligence. These rights are equal except for those matters which are specific to men by their nature, as Allah Almighty says:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ
"For women are entitled to similar rights as are owed to them, according to what is reasonable, but men have a degree over them."
Reference: (Surah Al-Baqarah: 228)
This degree is of being the maintainer, responsible, and answerable. A person asked the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): What rights do our wives have over us? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
أن تطعمها إذا طعمت وتكسوها إذا اكتسيت ولا تضرب الوجه ولا تقبح ولا تهجر إلا فى البيت
"That you feed them, clothe them, do not hit their face, do not insult them, and do not leave them except in their own home."
Reference: Abu Dawood, Book of Marriage, Chapter on the Rights of Women over their Husbands, Hadith: 2143 - Ibn Majah, Book of Marriage, Chapter on the Rights of Women over their Husbands, Hadith: 1850
Therefore, it is not permissible for any Muslim husband to neglect his wife in terms of food, maintenance, and clothing. It is stated in a hadith:
كفى بالمرء إثما أن يضيع من يقوت
"It is sufficient for a man to be sinful if he neglects those for whom he is responsible for providing sustenance."
Reference: Abu Dawood, Book of Zakat, Chapter on Maintaining Kinship, Hadith: 1692; also in Muslim, Book of Zakat, Chapter on the Virtue of Providing for Dependents and Slaves, Hadith: 996 with the wording: It is sufficient for a man to withhold sustenance from those he is responsible for.
Islam does not permit a husband to strike his wife on the face because this is against human dignity and causes harm to the most honorable part of the body, which contains all the beauty of the body. Although it is permissible to discipline a disobedient and rebellious wife when necessary, it is not permissible to beat her in such a way that causes her pain or hits her face. Similarly, it is not permissible to insult the wife, say hurtful things, or say things that are unpleasant to her, such as "May Allah curse you," etc.
As for the husband's rights over the wife, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
لا يحل لامرأة تؤمن بالله أن تأذن فى بيت زوجها وهو كاره ولا تخرج وهو كاره ولا تطيع فيه أحدا ولا تعتزل فراشه ولا تضربه فإن كان هو أظلم فلتأته حتى ترضيه، فإن قبل منها فبها ونعمت وقبل الله عذرها وأفلح حجتها، وإن هو لم يرض فقد أبلغت عند الله عذرها
"It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah to allow in her husband's house anyone whom he dislikes, nor to go out without his permission, nor to obey anyone in his affairs, nor to separate from his bed, nor to strike him. If the husband is unjust, she should try to please him within her limits. If the husband accepts this service, then it is good. Allah will accept her excuse and make her rights apparent. And if the husband is not pleased, then her excuse will reach Allah."
Reference: Mustadrak Hakim: 1902, Al-Sunan al-Kubra by Al-Bayhaqi: 2937; its chain is weak and Al-Dhahabi said: it is rejected and its chain is disconnected
Husband and wife should be patient with each other
A Muslim husband should be patient with the disliked traits of his wife. And as a human being, one has certain flaws, and women have weaknesses due to their femininity, one should develop the habit of tolerating these. Similarly, in the face of a wife's faults, one should focus on her good qualities and virtues. The Hadith states:
لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنة إن سخط منها خلقا رضي منها آخر
“No believer should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her traits, he will like another.”
Reference: Muslim, Book of Breastfeeding, Chapter on Advice Regarding Women, Hadith: 1469
And the Divine command is:
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا
“Live with them in kindness. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah has placed much good in it.”
Reference: (Surah An-Nisa: 19)
Just as Islam instructs the husband to exercise patience and tolerance towards the unpleasant traits of his wife, similarly, the wife is also instructed to try her best to keep her husband happy and not to spend the night in a state of anger with her husband. The Hadith states:
ثلاثة لا ترتفع صلاتهم فوق رؤوسهم شبرا رجل أم قوما وهم له كارهون وامرأة باتت وزوجها عليها ساخط وأخوان متصارمان
There are three persons whose prayers do not rise even a span above their heads: one who leads people in prayer while they dislike him, the second is a woman who spends the night while her husband is angry with her, and the third is two brothers who fight with each other.
Reference: Ibn Majah, Book of Establishing Prayers, Chapter on One Leading People in Prayer While They Dislike Him, Hadith: 971 - Sahih Ibn Hibban, Reference 377, and it has a supporting narration in Tirmidhi in the Book of Prayer, Chapter on What Has Been Related About One Leading People in Prayer While They Dislike Him, Hadith: 360, wording: Three whose prayers do not exceed their ears, including the runaway servant instead of the two fighting brothers
In Case of Disobedience and Dispute
The man is the head of the household and the guardian of the family because he was created in this manner and possesses the capacity for it. His position in the workshop of life is also the same. Moreover, he is responsible for the dowry and maintenance. Therefore, it is not permissible for a woman to disobey him and rebel against him. Otherwise, the result will be that relationships will deteriorate, and the ship of the household will begin to rock and it is not surprising if it sinks due to the absence of a captain.
When the husband sees that disobedience is manifesting from the wife and she is raising her head against him, he should make every possible effort to reform her through kind advice and wise words. But when advice proves ineffective, he should leave her in her bed so that feminine feelings may arise and she may begin to obey.
And if this measure also proves ineffective, then he may strike her. However, in such a case, one should avoid beating to the extent of causing pain or hitting the face. For some women, in certain circumstances, this treatment is effective. The meaning of striking is not to beat with a whip or stick, etc., rather its nature is clarified by the Prophet’s ﷺ statement when he said to one of his servants who had angered him in some matter:
لولا القصاص يوم القيامة لأوجعتك بهذا السواك
“If there were no retaliation on the Day of Judgment, I would strike you with this miswak (tooth-stick).”
Reference: Hilyat al-Awliya: 378/8, Tabaqat Ibn Sa’d: 382/1, Majma’ al-Zawa’id: 353/10 with reference to al-Tabarani: 376/23 and Abu Ya’la: 255/6, and narrated by Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad: 184 and similar
The Prophet ﷺ disliked beating. He said:
علام يضرب أحدكم امرأته ضرب العبد ولعله أن يجامعها فى آخر اليوم
“Why does any one of you beat his wife as he beats his slave, and then he goes to lie with her at night?”
Reference: Musnad Ahmad: 17/4, Bukhari, Book of Tafsir, Surah Ash-Shams, Hadith: 4942, Muslim, Book of Paradise, Chapter on the Fire Entered by the Arrogant, Hadith: 2855
Regarding those who beat women, the Prophet ﷺ said:
لا تجدون أولئك خياركم
“You will not find anyone better among you than those who do not beat their women.”
Reference: Abu Dawood, Book of Marriage, Chapter on Beating Women, Hadith: 2146; Ibn Majah, Book of Marriage, Chapter on Beating Women, Hadith: 1985
Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) says:
The Prophet’s ﷺ statement that the best among you do not beat their wives indicates that generally, beating women is permissible when the husband sees something unpleasant in his wife for which obedience is obligatory upon her. In such a case, he may discipline her by striking. However, if the matter can be resolved by threat or other means, that is better. And if it can be resolved by using ambiguous words, then beating should be avoided because it causes hatred and is against good social conduct, which is essentially desired and beloved in marital life. Except when it is necessary to strike in a matter related to disobedience to Allah.
Reference: Fath al-Bari, Vol. 9, p. 249
An-Nasa’i narrated from Sayyida Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her):
ما ضرب رسول الله امرأة له ولا خادما قط ولا ضرب بيده شيئا قط إلا فى سبيل الله أو تنتهك حرمات الله فينتقم لله
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ never struck any of his wives or servants, nor did he ever raise his hand against anyone else. However, if he punished someone for the sake of Allah due to violation of Allah’s limits, that is a different matter.
Reference: Muslim, Book of Virtues, Chapter on Avoiding Sins, Hadith: 2328; An-Nasa’i in Al-Kubra: 371, 370/5, Hadith: 9164, wording is his
But if all these measures prove ineffective and there is fear of widening the gulf of differences, then the Islamic society, the people of wisdom, and the righteous should intervene and try to reconcile. This means appointing one arbitrator from the husband’s family and one from the wife’s family who are well-wishers. If they try to reconcile the couple and rectify the discord, Allah will surely bring harmony between them. Regarding these matters, Allah’s command is:
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا 34 وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
“As for those women from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them, forsake them in bed, and strike them. Then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Surely, Allah is Most High, Great. And if you fear a breach between them, appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.”
Reference: (Surah An-Nisa: 34-35)
