Excerpt from "Ahkām wa Masāʾil fī Ḍawʾ al-Kitāb wa al-Sunnah" by Shaykh Mubashir Ahmad Rabbānī ◈
I am the only Ahl-e-Ḥadīth in my family, while the rest are involved in shirk (polytheism) and bidʿah (innovations). How should I maintain my relations with them? What is the ruling on attending their rituals such as teesra (third day), satwān (seventh), daswān (tenth), chālīswan (fortieth), and weddings?
You should treat your relatives with kindness and good conduct. The Noble Prophet ﷺ instructed the Sahābah (Companions) to uphold the ties of kinship even with their idolatrous relatives.
Hazrat Asmāʾ bint Abī Bakr رضي الله عنها narrated:
“My mother, who was a polytheist at the time, came to visit me during the peace treaty between the Prophet ﷺ and the Quraysh. I asked the Prophet ﷺ, ‘My mother has come and she desires my favor; should I maintain ties with her?’
He ﷺ replied: Yes, keep ties with your mother.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Book of Gifts, Chapter on Giving to Polytheists – Ḥadīth: 2620]
Likewise, the Qur’ān commands:
﴿وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا﴾
“And accompany them in this world with kindness.”
[Sūrah Luqmān: 15]
This means that even if the parents are disbelievers or involved in shirk, one must deal with them in a good and respectful manner.
① Maintain ties of kinship (ṣilah raḥmī) with your parents and relatives.
② Treat them with excellent manners, kindness, and compassion.
③ Continue to invite them to Tawḥīd (monotheism) and the way of the Qur’ān and Sunnah — with wisdom and patience.
④ If they say harsh or offensive words, bear them with patience — there is blessing and reward in enduring this for the sake of Allah ﷻ.
⑤ However, refrain from participating in rituals and customs that are contrary to Sharīʿah, such as:
⑥ You may attend their weddings or happy occasions to maintain family ties, but remain separate from any un-Islamic activities taking place there.
May Allah grant you steadfastness and acceptance in your actions. Āmīn.
❖ Question:
I am the only Ahl-e-Ḥadīth in my family, while the rest are involved in shirk (polytheism) and bidʿah (innovations). How should I maintain my relations with them? What is the ruling on attending their rituals such as teesra (third day), satwān (seventh), daswān (tenth), chālīswan (fortieth), and weddings?
❖ Answer:
You should treat your relatives with kindness and good conduct. The Noble Prophet ﷺ instructed the Sahābah (Companions) to uphold the ties of kinship even with their idolatrous relatives.
Hazrat Asmāʾ bint Abī Bakr رضي الله عنها narrated:
“My mother, who was a polytheist at the time, came to visit me during the peace treaty between the Prophet ﷺ and the Quraysh. I asked the Prophet ﷺ, ‘My mother has come and she desires my favor; should I maintain ties with her?’
He ﷺ replied: Yes, keep ties with your mother.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Book of Gifts, Chapter on Giving to Polytheists – Ḥadīth: 2620]Likewise, the Qur’ān commands:
﴿وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا﴾
“And accompany them in this world with kindness.”
[Sūrah Luqmān: 15]
This means that even if the parents are disbelievers or involved in shirk, one must deal with them in a good and respectful manner.
❖ Summary of Guidelines:
① Maintain ties of kinship (ṣilah raḥmī) with your parents and relatives.
② Treat them with excellent manners, kindness, and compassion.
③ Continue to invite them to Tawḥīd (monotheism) and the way of the Qur’ān and Sunnah — with wisdom and patience.
④ If they say harsh or offensive words, bear them with patience — there is blessing and reward in enduring this for the sake of Allah ﷻ.
⑤ However, refrain from participating in rituals and customs that are contrary to Sharīʿah, such as:
- Teesra, Satwān, Daswān, Chālīswan (post-death rituals)
- Weddings involving music, drums, singing, intermingling, or immodesty
⑥ You may attend their weddings or happy occasions to maintain family ties, but remain separate from any un-Islamic activities taking place there.
May Allah grant you steadfastness and acceptance in your actions. Āmīn.
