Islamic Etiquette and Boundaries of Intimacy Between Spouses

❖ Source:​

This response is derived from the book “500 Questions & Answers for Women”, compiled from the fatwas of the scholars of the Ḥaramayn, and translated by Ḥāfiẓ ʿAbdullāh Salīm.

✿ Question:​

What are the etiquettes and limits of intimacy (sexual relations) between husband and wife? What is disliked (makrūh), what is forbidden (ḥarām), what is preferable, and what is subject to scholarly disagreement?

✿ Answer:​

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:


«لو أن أحدكم إذا أتى أهله قال: بسم الله، اللهم جنبنا الشيطان وجنب الشيطان ما رزقتنا فإن قدر بينهما فى ذلك ولد لن يضر ذلك الولد الشيطان أبدا»
[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, ḥadīth no. 141; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, ḥadīth no. 1434]


“If one of you, when approaching his wife (for intimacy), says: ‘In the Name of Allah. O Allah, keep Satan away from us and keep Satan away from what You bestow upon us (in terms of offspring),’ then if a child is decreed to be born from that intimacy, Satan will never be able to harm that child.”
[Bukhārī: 441/45]

✔ What is Prohibited (حرام):​

① It is ḥarām for a man to have intercourse with his wife during her menstruation (ḥayḍ) or postpartum bleeding (nifās).


② It is also forbidden to engage in anal intercourse (al-jimāʿ fī al-dubur), i.e., through the rear private part.

✔ What is Recommended and Sunnah:​

◉ It is sunnah to recite the aforementioned duʿāʾ before intimacy, to protect both the couple and potential offspring from Shayṭān.

✔ Additional Guidance:​

We advise you to refer to the detailed discussion of this subject by Imām Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله in his renowned work “Zād al-Maʿād”, wherein he has addressed the etiquette, manners, spiritual considerations, and juristic details of this matter.
In shāʾ Allāh, one will find full clarification of the issue therein.


Source: Saudi Fatwā Committee

Conclusion:

Islam promotes modesty, clarity, and spirituality even within marital intimacy. While certain acts are explicitly prohibited, such as intercourse during menstruation or through the rear, others are encouraged—like invoking Allah’s protection. A balance of love, respect, and religious awareness is to be maintained between spouses.