❖ Source:
This answer is taken from the book “500 Questions & Answers for Women”, comprising fatwas from the scholars of the Ḥaramayn, translated by Ḥāfiẓ ʿAbdullāh Salīm.
✿ Question:
If a wife obeys Allah and is generally obedient to her husband, but her husband becomes angry over minor matters and engages in cursing and vulgar speech, while the wife chooses to remain silent for the sake of Allah — however, at times, she replies to rebuke him and to stop his inappropriate behavior, and her voice may rise in the process — will she be considered disobedient to her husband?
✿ Answer:
No, such a woman will not be considered disobedient (ʿāṣiyah) to her husband. However, we advise the woman to be patient in such situations.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
«خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ»
[Ṣaḥīḥ Sunan al-Tirmidhī, ḥadīth no. 3895]
“The best of you is the one who is best to his family.”
And in the agreed-upon ḥadīth from Abū Hurayrah رضي الله عنه, the Prophet ﷺ said:
«اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا، فَإِنَّهُنَّ خُلِقْنَ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ»
[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, ḥadīth no. 4890; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, ḥadīth no. 1468]
“Treat women kindly. Indeed, women are created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its upper portion. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked.”
Allah ﷻ also says in the Qur’an:
«وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ»
[Surah al-Nisāʾ: 19]
“And live with them (your wives) in kindness.”
And He says:
«فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا»
[Surah al-Nisāʾ: 34]
“Then if they obey you, do not seek means against them (to harm them).”
✔ Final Advice:
The husband is obligated to fear Allah and treat his wife with goodness, as he himself would wish to be treated.As for the wife, she is advised to observe patience (ṣabr), for indeed patience is praiseworthy. She should also make duʿāʾ to Allah for the guidance and betterment of her husband.
[Shaykh Muqbil ibn Hādī al-Wādiʿī رحمه الله]وَاللهُ الْمُسْتَعَان – And Allah is the One whose help is sought.
Conclusion:
A wife who speaks out only to defend herself or correct her husband’s conduct is not disobedient, especially if her intention is sincere and within reasonable bounds. Nonetheless, the path of patience, duʿāʾ, and respectful communication remains the most virtuous.
