How to Choose a Spouse in Islam

This content is derived from the book "500 Questions and Answers for Women," based on the fatwas of the scholars of the Haramain, translated by Hafiz Abdullah Saleem.

Introduction:

When establishing a Muslim family, it is essential for a man to choose the best wife and for a woman to choose the best husband. Proper selection and thorough investigation are the cornerstones of a successful marital life. Islam emphasizes the importance of choosing a spouse based on solid principles that form the foundation of a prosperous family and a harmonious life.

Islam places less emphasis on outward appearances and more on the essence of a person, their purity of heart, soundness of belief, and uprightness of conduct.

Emphasis on Character and Deen Over Wealth and Appearance:

A wealthy man once passed by the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ), and he asked his companions:

“What do you think of this man?”
The companions replied:
“He is worthy of marriage, his intercession should be accepted, and he is deserving of being listened to.”
The Prophet (ﷺ) remained silent.
Later, a poor man passed by, and the Prophet (ﷺ) asked:

“What do you think of this man?”
The companions replied:
“He is so destitute that no one would marry him, accept his intercession, or pay attention to his words.”
The Prophet (ﷺ) then said:

“This poor man is better than a whole earth full of men like the wealthy one.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith No. 5091]
This demonstrates that the Prophet (ﷺ) taught his companions that the measure of a person is based on piety (taqwa) and righteous deeds, not outward wealth or social status.

The Importance of Choosing a Pious Spouse:

The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) laid out guidelines for selecting a wife:

“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religious.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith No. 5090; Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1466]
While deen (piety and righteousness) is the primary criterion, if the wife is also wealthy, the husband may benefit from her wealth with her consent. Similarly, if two women are equal in piety, then beauty can be a deciding factor. However, a beautiful but irreligious woman should not be preferred over a pious woman with average looks.

Key Considerations for Choosing a Spouse:

  1. Religious Commitment: The foundation of a stable and prosperous family is deen. A pious wife will not only strengthen the husband’s faith but will also raise children with good morals and values.
  2. Family Background: A wife should ideally come from a good, morally upright family, as her upbringing greatly influences her character.
  3. Honesty and Clarity: Before marriage, it is better to investigate and ensure compatibility. Early honesty is preferable to later regrets.

Role of Beauty in Marriage:

While piety is paramount, Islam does not discourage taking physical beauty into account. However, prioritizing beauty over deen is discouraged.

For instance, a man once approached the Prophet (ﷺ) to inform him about a woman he intended to marry. The Prophet (ﷺ) asked:

“Have you seen her?”
The man replied: “No.”
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
“Go and look at her, for it is more likely to create love between you both.”
[Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1424]
This hadith highlights the importance of ensuring mutual attraction to foster love and harmony in marriage.

Final Advice from the Prophet (ﷺ):

The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) emphasized the importance of a righteous spouse:

“The world is but provision, and the best provision in this world is a righteous woman.”
[Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1467]
He also said:

“Whoever Allah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his deen. Let him fear Allah in the other half.”
[Mustadrak al-Hakim, Vol. 2, Hadith No. 161]

Conclusion:

Islam prioritizes piety and good character when selecting a spouse. A pious spouse serves as a source of tranquility and support in the journey of life. Although wealth and beauty have their place, they should never outweigh religious commitment and moral uprightness. A marriage based on taqwa (piety) forms the foundation of a stable and prosperous family, ensuring happiness in this world and the hereafter.

[Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen (رحمه الله)]
 
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