❀ Guidance on Patience and Perseverance with a Harsh Husband ❀
Source:
This article is derived from the book “500 Questions and Answers for Women” based on the fatwas of the scholars of the Haramain, translated by Hafiz Abdullah Saleem.
My husband—may Allah forgive him—is a man who fears Allah and is known for good character, but he pays no attention to me, always treating me with coldness and harshness. He blames me for everything, though Allah knows I fulfill all his rights, ensure his comfort, and avoid anything displeasing to him.
Despite all this, I bear his treatment with patience. Whenever I ask about something or raise a matter, he becomes furious. Yet, with his friends and companions, he is cheerful and lighthearted.
I have always faced sternness and rebuke from him. At times, his behavior becomes so distressing that I contemplate leaving him and this home. Alḥamdulillāh, I am moderately educated and strive to fulfill the duties Allah has placed upon me.
O Shaykh, if I leave this house, raise and educate my children on my own, and endure the hardships of life alone, would I be sinful? Or should I stay and endure these conditions, putting aside my feelings to complete the rest of my life with him?
There is no doubt that both husband and wife are obligated to engage in good companionship, noble character, and kind interaction.
Allah says:
﴿وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴾
[Surah An-Nisā’: 19]
“Live with them (your wives) in kindness.”
And:
﴿وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ﴾
[Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]
“And women have rights similar to those over them in kindness, but men have a degree over them.”
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"البر حسن الخلق"
“Righteousness is good character.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim – Kitāb al-Birr waṣ-Ṣilah 14]
And he said:
"لا تحقرن من المعروف شيئا ولو أن تلقى أخاك بوجه طلق"
“Do not belittle any act of goodness, even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim – Kitāb al-Birr waṣ-Ṣilah, Bāb 43]
He also said:
"أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خلقا، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم، وأنا خيركم لأهلي"
“The most complete of believers in faith is he who has the best character. The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best among you to my family.”
These and many other noble Hadiths encourage excellence in character, kindness, and cheerful behavior—which are even more essential between spouses and close family members.
You have shown commendable patience despite the injustice and hardship.
I advise you to remain patient, not to leave your home, and continue enduring for the sake of great reward and a good ending, In shā’ Allāh.
﴿وَاصْبِرُوا إِنَّ اللَّـهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ﴾
[Surah Al-Anfāl: 46]
“Be patient—surely Allah is with those who are patient.”
﴿إِنَّهُ مَن يَتَّقِ وَيَصْبِرْ فَإِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَا يُضِيعُ أَجْرَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ﴾
[Surah Yūsuf: 90]
“Indeed, whoever fears Allah and is patient, then surely Allah does not allow the reward of the doers of good to be lost.”
﴿إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُم بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ﴾
[Surah Az-Zumar: 10]
“Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without measure.”
﴿فَاصْبِرْ إِنَّ الْعَاقِبَةَ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ﴾
[Surah Hūd: 49]
“So be patient, for the best outcome is for those who fear Allah.”
You may speak to your husband with gentle, kind words—perhaps this will soften his heart and awaken his sense of responsibility towards you.
✔ As long as he continues to fulfill his basic obligations and does not violate the essential rights of the household,
✔ And as long as he avoids major disobedience and maintains general responsibility,
✔ Then it is better to overlook some worldly shortcomings.
Ultimately, your forbearance and patience will be praised and rewarded, In shā’ Allāh.
May Allah grant you greater patience and strength,
May He reform your husband, guide him to righteousness, and grant him the ability to treat you with kindness and fulfill your rights with a cheerful heart.
Indeed, Allah is the One who guides to the straight path.
(By: Former Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Shaykh Ibn Bāz رحمه الله)
Source:
This article is derived from the book “500 Questions and Answers for Women” based on the fatwas of the scholars of the Haramain, translated by Hafiz Abdullah Saleem.
❖ Question:
My husband—may Allah forgive him—is a man who fears Allah and is known for good character, but he pays no attention to me, always treating me with coldness and harshness. He blames me for everything, though Allah knows I fulfill all his rights, ensure his comfort, and avoid anything displeasing to him.
Despite all this, I bear his treatment with patience. Whenever I ask about something or raise a matter, he becomes furious. Yet, with his friends and companions, he is cheerful and lighthearted.
I have always faced sternness and rebuke from him. At times, his behavior becomes so distressing that I contemplate leaving him and this home. Alḥamdulillāh, I am moderately educated and strive to fulfill the duties Allah has placed upon me.
O Shaykh, if I leave this house, raise and educate my children on my own, and endure the hardships of life alone, would I be sinful? Or should I stay and endure these conditions, putting aside my feelings to complete the rest of my life with him?
❖ Answer:
There is no doubt that both husband and wife are obligated to engage in good companionship, noble character, and kind interaction.
Allah says:
﴿وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴾
[Surah An-Nisā’: 19]
“Live with them (your wives) in kindness.”
And:
﴿وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ﴾
[Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]
“And women have rights similar to those over them in kindness, but men have a degree over them.”
❖ Prophetic Teachings on Good Character:
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"البر حسن الخلق"
“Righteousness is good character.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim – Kitāb al-Birr waṣ-Ṣilah 14]
And he said:
"لا تحقرن من المعروف شيئا ولو أن تلقى أخاك بوجه طلق"
“Do not belittle any act of goodness, even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim – Kitāb al-Birr waṣ-Ṣilah, Bāb 43]
He also said:
"أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خلقا، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم، وأنا خيركم لأهلي"
“The most complete of believers in faith is he who has the best character. The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best among you to my family.”
These and many other noble Hadiths encourage excellence in character, kindness, and cheerful behavior—which are even more essential between spouses and close family members.
You have shown commendable patience despite the injustice and hardship.
I advise you to remain patient, not to leave your home, and continue enduring for the sake of great reward and a good ending, In shā’ Allāh.
❖ Qur’anic Encouragement for Patience:
﴿وَاصْبِرُوا إِنَّ اللَّـهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ﴾
[Surah Al-Anfāl: 46]
“Be patient—surely Allah is with those who are patient.”
﴿إِنَّهُ مَن يَتَّقِ وَيَصْبِرْ فَإِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَا يُضِيعُ أَجْرَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ﴾
[Surah Yūsuf: 90]
“Indeed, whoever fears Allah and is patient, then surely Allah does not allow the reward of the doers of good to be lost.”
﴿إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُم بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ﴾
[Surah Az-Zumar: 10]
“Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without measure.”
﴿فَاصْبِرْ إِنَّ الْعَاقِبَةَ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ﴾
[Surah Hūd: 49]
“So be patient, for the best outcome is for those who fear Allah.”
❖ Practical Advice:
You may speak to your husband with gentle, kind words—perhaps this will soften his heart and awaken his sense of responsibility towards you.
✔ As long as he continues to fulfill his basic obligations and does not violate the essential rights of the household,
✔ And as long as he avoids major disobedience and maintains general responsibility,
✔ Then it is better to overlook some worldly shortcomings.
Ultimately, your forbearance and patience will be praised and rewarded, In shā’ Allāh.
May Allah grant you greater patience and strength,
May He reform your husband, guide him to righteousness, and grant him the ability to treat you with kindness and fulfill your rights with a cheerful heart.
Indeed, Allah is the One who guides to the straight path.
(By: Former Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Shaykh Ibn Bāz رحمه الله)
