Surah An-Nisaa (4) — Ayah 34

34. Men are protectors [57] and maintainers of women because Allah has given one more (strength) over the other, and because they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard (their husbands’ rights) [58] in their absence, as Allah has guarded. As for those women from whom you fear disobedience [59], advise them, (if they persist) forsake them in bed, and (if they still persist) strike them. But if they obey you, seek no means against them. [60] Surely, Allah is Most High, Most Great.

[57] In what sense are men "qawwam"? The meaning of "qawwam" is guardian, head, and manager. That is, a person who possesses the ability to fulfill all economic and social responsibilities of another. Then Allah Almighty has mentioned two reasons for men being "qawwam". One is that men, in terms of their physical structure, are stronger than women; women cannot do as much strenuous work as men can. Also, men have more ability to bear responsibilities compared to women. Thus, the pages of history bear witness that the remarkable feats accomplished by men have not even been approached by women, no matter which aspect of life or period of history they belong to. Therefore, the head or "qawwam" of the small state of the household should also be the man. The second reason given for men being "qawwam" is that they are responsible for all the economic expenses of their family and have been made so. The real reason for this is the same as mentioned in the first reason: men can earn through hard labor what women cannot. Therefore, the head of household affairs has been made the woman, and the head of all internal and external responsibilities of the house is the man. This is why the right of divorce and taking back (ruju‘) has also been given to the man. Thus, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "A man is a ruler over his household, and he will be questioned about his subjects. And a woman is a ruler over her husband's house and his children, and she will be questioned about them."
[بخاري كتاب الاحكام۔ باب : __QUR_0__ نيز كتاب النكاح، باب قُوْٓا اَنْفُسَكُمْ .....، مسلم، كتاب الامارة، باب فضيلة الامير العادل]

[58] The Prophet ﷺ said: "The best wife is the one that when you look at her, you are pleased; when you command her regarding something, she obeys you; and when you are not present, she protects your wealth and her own self."
[بخاری، کتاب النفقات، باب حفظ المرأۃ زوجہا فی ذات یدہ]

Qualities of a Good Wife:

In this brief hadith, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ has mentioned four qualities of a good wife. Two are related to the husband's presence and two to his absence. Those related to presence are that when the husband is at home or returns home in the evening after work, his wife should greet him cheerfully, her body and clothes should be clean and tidy, and she should win her husband's heart so that he is pleased to see her. The second is that if the husband asks her for anything related to food or drink, she should fulfill it immediately, or if he calls her for intimacy, she should willingly comply. And when the husband is not at home, she should not allow any non-mahram man to enter the house, nor should she herself freely mix or joke with non-mahram men. She should also be trustworthy with her husband's house, not spending his wealth on frivolous things nor giving in charity without his permission, unless it is her own personal wealth, nor secretly giving her husband's wealth to her own family. However, if the husband commands her to do something sinful or disobedient to Allah, such as preventing her from praying or observing hijab, or forcing her to commit acts of shirk or bid‘ah, then it is necessary to refuse, otherwise she will be sinful. Regarding the limits of obedience to the husband, consider the following two hadiths: 1. Sayyiduna Abu Hurairah ؓ reports that the Prophet ﷺ said: "If a woman's husband is present, she should not observe a voluntary fast without his permission."
[بخاری، کتاب النکاح، باب صوم المراۃ باذن زوجھا تطوعا]

2. The Prophet ﷺ also said: "When a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, the angels curse her until morning."
[بخاری، کتاب النکاح۔ باب اذاباتت المراۃ مھاجرۃ فراش زوجھا]

[59] The literal meaning of "nushuz" is elevation or height, rising and swelling, especially when this rising is the result of agitation and excitement. For example, when a woman considers her husband her equal or inferior, or regards his authority as an insult and refuses to accept it, argues with him instead of obeying, treats him with bad manners instead of cheerfulness, and becomes rebellious, showing stubbornness and obstinacy at every turn, or makes unjust accusations against the man—these things fall under the meaning of "nushuz". Regarding such women, Allah Almighty has permitted men to take three sequential steps. The first step is to advise her gently about the consequences of her behavior, so that at least for her own benefit and interest, she does not spoil the atmosphere of the home. If she does not respond to the husband's advice, then the husband should start sleeping in a separate room and not let her sleep with him. If the woman has any sense and can distinguish between good and bad for herself, she will not be able to bear her husband's displeasure and this cold war. If she still does not come to her senses, then as a third and last resort, permission has been given to strike her, but with certain conditions, as clarified in the following hadiths: 1. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Beware! Accept my advice regarding good treatment of women. They are with you, exclusively for you. Other than this, you have no ownership over them except if they commit open indecency. If they do so, you may separate them from your beds and strike them in a way that does not cause injury."
[ترمذی، ابواب الرضاع، باب فی حق المرأۃ علی زوجھا]

2. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Do not beat your wife, nor revile them, nor abandon them except in the house" (i.e., make her sleep separately in the house, do not expel her from the house).
[ابو داؤد، کتاب النکاح، باب فی حق المرأۃ علی زوجھا]

3. The Prophet ﷺ said: "None of you should beat his wife as he beats his slave, and then have intercourse with her at the end of the day."
[بخاری، کتاب النکاح، باب مایکرہ من ضرب النساء۔۔ مسلم کتاب الجنۃ۔ باب النار یدخلہ الجبارون]

That is, if there is no hope of the woman mending her ways without striking, then strike her with the thought that perhaps at night he may need his wife and have to reconcile with her. Secondly, do not beat her excessively like a slave. And according to another hadith, no one is allowed to strike his wife, servant, or children on the face. The third restriction is that the beating should not be such that it causes injury to the wife or breaks any of her bones or ribs. With these limits and conditions, the husband is permitted to strike his wife in such a state of compulsion.

[60] That is, if they desist, then do not recall past matters just to assert your authority over them, nor take undue advantage of this permission. If you do so, then Allah, who is Most High and has full power over you, will surely take retribution from you for this crime.