Surah At-Taghaabun (64) — Ayah 14

The word { يٰۤاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْۤا اِنَّ مِنْ اَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَ اَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوًّا لَّكُمْ … : ’’ عَدُوًّا ‘‘ ’’فَعُوْلٌ‘‘} is used for both singular and plural, as indicated by {’’ فَاحْذَرُوْهُمْ ‘‘}, it is used here for the plural. In {’’ مِنْ اَزْوَاجِكُمْ ‘‘}, {’’ مِنْ ‘‘} is for denoting a part, meaning some wives and children are enemies, not all, rather some are helpers in religion and the coolness of the eyes. In the previous verses, Allah has commanded obedience to Him and His Messenger, and now He commands to beware of something that generally becomes an obstacle in the way of obedience to Allah and His Messenger, and that is a man's wife and his children. Allah Almighty does not tolerate in any way that His believing servant loves anyone more than Him and His Messenger, or prefers the demand of any dear person over the demand of Allah and His Messenger. (See Tawbah: 24) Here, specifically, some wives and some children are mentioned, because a man is always with them and naturally loves them, so sometimes, out of love for them, he puts aside the commands of Allah and His Messenger, and for their comfort and luxury, he does not distinguish between halal and haram. At their insistence, he abandons many obligations, commits many unlawful acts, and thus destroys his Hereafter. Obviously, those family members who become the cause of the ruin of the Hereafter, no one can be a greater enemy to a man than them. Some wives and children, due to incompatibility or rebellion, actually have enmity with their husband or father, but these are such enemies that a man cannot keep enmity with them continuously, nor can he separate from them, rather he has to live with them. Therefore, it is said that the remedy for their enmity is not to beat them, stop their expenses, or separate from them, but instead of beating and being harsh, if you forgive them, overlook them, and cover up their mistakes, it is better for you and pleasing to Allah, because Allah is Oft-Forgiving and very merciful. However, despite this forgiveness and overlooking, remain steadfast on the piety of Allah as much as you can and keep advising them of it. Surely, there is much wisdom in this command of Allah, because sometimes, due to a man's harshness, children become rebellious, whereas with forgiveness, continuous advice, and remaining steadfast on piety oneself, there is more hope for their reform.

Ikrimah says that a man asked Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) about this verse {’’ يٰۤاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْۤا اِنَّ مِنْ اَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَ اَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوًّا لَّكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوْهُمْ ‘‘}, so he said: "These were some people from the people of Makkah who became Muslim and intended to come to the Prophet (peace be upon him) (remember that in those days, it was obligatory for every new Muslim to migrate to Madinah), but their wives and children did not let them come to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). Then, when they came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), they saw that other people had already gained understanding of the religion, so they intended to punish their wives and children, so Allah revealed this verse." [ ترمذي، التفسیر، سورۃ التغابن : ۳۳۱۷ وقال الألباني حسن ]

14. 1. That is, those who prevent you from righteous deeds and obedience to Allah, know that they are not your well-wishers, but enemies.

14. 2. That is, avoid following them; rather, make them follow you so that they too adopt obedience to Allah, and do not ruin your own hereafter by following them.

14. 3. The reason for revelation of this is stated that some Muslims in Makkah who had accepted Islam intended to leave Makkah and come to Madinah, as at that time the command for migration was given with great emphasis. But their wives and children became an obstacle and did not let them migrate. Later, when they came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, they saw that those who had come before them had gained much more understanding in religion, so they became angry at their wives and children who had prevented them from migrating. Thus, they intended to punish them. Allah Almighty advised them to forgive and overlook in this matter.

O you who believe! Indeed, among your wives and your children are some [21] who are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon [22], overlook, and forgive, then surely Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.

[21]
In What Way Can Wives and Children Become a Person’s Enemies:

That is, not all wives or all children are your enemies, but some wives and some children are your enemies. And these are the very relationships that are closest and dearest to a person. If they are obedient to Allah, they are your friends, and if they are disobedient, they are your enemies. Thus, even with them, the real basis of your love and friendship should be obedience to Allah. It is because of them that people become involved in earning unlawfully and other sins. It was due to them that some Muslims did not dare to migrate towards Madinah. If their sympathies are with the disbelievers, they can become the cause of many kinds of troubles and difficulties for you, and can also ruin your Hereafter. Therefore, you should be especially cautious in dealing with them.

[22] That is, if you see some wrong tendencies in them, do not start being blindly harsh with them. Do not divorce your wives or throw your children out of the house. If you do so, the social system will be disrupted. In such circumstances, the better way is to try to reform them and to act with forgiveness. And by using gentleness and good conduct, try to bring them along with you. This approach is better in the sense that Allah Himself, out of His grace, continues to forgive people’s mistakes.