Surah Al-Ankaboot (29) — Ayah 8

(Ayah 8) ➊ { وَ وَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا :} After urging faith in Allah and righteous deeds and mentioning their virtue, the command to show kindness to parents is given, because it is from them that a person comes into existence; the father spends and nurtures, while the mother breastfeeds and raises. In the Noble Qur’an, generally after the right of Allah, the right of parents is mentioned, as He said: «{ وَ قَضٰى رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعْبُدُوْۤا اِلَّاۤ اِيَّاهُ وَ بِالْوَالِدَيْنِ۠ اِحْسَانًا اِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَاۤ اَوْ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَاۤ اُفٍّ وَّ لَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَ قُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيْمًا }» [ بني إسرائیل : ۲۳ ] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and show kindness to parents. If one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them ‘uff’ (a word of disrespect), nor scold them, and speak to them with gracious words.”

➋ Al-Biqa‘i has drawn this connection with the previous verses that one form of trial is that a person’s parents compel him towards disbelief and polytheism, so in such a situation, he should remain steadfast and not commit disbelief or polytheism.

➌ { وَ اِنْ جَاهَدٰكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِيْ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهٖ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا:} That is, if your parents insist that you associate with Me that for which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them, meaning that for which you have no evidence of being a partner, because knowledge is that for which there is evidence. The point is, can there be any evidence for polytheism? It only arises from superstition and blind imitation. From this, it is understood that associating partners with Allah at the command of parents is never permissible; not only polytheism, but any disobedience to Allah and His Messenger is not permissible at the command of parents or any creature. Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) says that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: [ لاَ طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوْقٍ فِيْ مَعْصِيَةِ اللّٰهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ ] [ مسند أحمد : 131/1، ح : ۱۰۹۹، صحیح علٰی شرط مسلم ] “There is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to Allah, the Mighty and Majestic.” And it is narrated from Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: [ اَلسَّمْعُ وَالطَّاعَةُ عَلَی الْمَرْءِ الْمُسْلِمِ فِيْمَا أَحَبَّ وَكَرِهَ مَا لَمْ يُؤْمَرْ بِمَعْصِيَةٍ ، فَإِنْ أُمِرَ بِمَعْصِيَةٍ فَلاَ سَمْعَ عَلَيْهِ وَ لاَ طَاعَةَ ] [ ترمذي، الجہاد، باب ما جاء لا طاعۃ لمخلوق في معصیۃ الخالق : ۱۷۰۷، و صححہ الترمذي و الألباني ] “Listening and obeying is obligatory upon a Muslim man in what he likes or dislikes, as long as he is not commanded to disobey (Allah); but if he is commanded to disobey (Allah), then neither listening nor obeying is permissible.”

➍ It is narrated from Sa‘d bin Abi Waqqas (may Allah be pleased with him) that several verses of the Qur’an were revealed about him, (among them is this) that Sa‘d’s mother swore (when he became Muslim) that she would never speak to him until he left his religion and would neither eat nor drink. She said, “You say that Allah has enjoined you regarding your parents, and I am your mother and I command you.” Sa‘d said, she remained like this for three days, until she fainted from hunger, so one of her sons, whose name was ‘Ammarah, got up and gave her (water, etc.), so when she regained consciousness, she began to curse Sa‘d, upon which Allah the Exalted revealed in the Qur’an this verse: «{ وَ وَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا }» [ العنکبوت : ۸ ] and this verse: «{ وَ اِنْ جَاهَدٰكَ عَلٰۤى اَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِيْ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهٖ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَ صَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوْفًا }» [ لقمان : ۱۵ ] [ مسلم، فضائل الصحابۃ، باب في فضل سعد بن أبي وقاص رضی اللہ عنہ : ۱۷۴۸، بعد الحدیث : ۲۴۱۲ ]

➎ { اِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ …:} That is, these worldly relationships and the rights of parents are limited to this world; in the end, parents and children all have to return to the presence of Allah the Exalted, then if parents forced their children into misguidance or committed injustice without right, they will be held accountable, and if children fell short in fulfilling the rightful rights of parents, they will be questioned about it.

8-1. At numerous places in the Noble Quran, along with commanding His oneness and worship, Allah Almighty has emphasized the treatment towards parents. This clarifies that only the one who understands and fulfills the requirements of obedience and service to parents can truly comprehend and fulfill the demands of Lordship (Allah being One). A person who is unable to understand that his existence in this world is the result of the mutual closeness of his parents, and that his upbringing and nurturing are the fruits of their utmost kindness and compassion, should not show any negligence in serving them nor turn away from obeying them. Surely, such a person will also remain incapable of understanding the Creator of the universe and fulfilling the demands of His oneness and worship. This is why the ahadith also greatly emphasize good conduct with parents. In one hadith, the pleasure of parents is declared as the pleasure of Allah, and their displeasure as the displeasure of the Lord.

8-2. That is, if parents command shirk (and this includes commands for other sins as well), and even make special efforts for it, then they should not be obeyed, because "there is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah." In the context of the revelation of this verse, the incident of Hazrat Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas ؓ is mentioned: when he became Muslim, his mother said, "I will neither eat nor drink until I die or you renounce the prophethood of Muhammad ﷺ." Eventually, he had to forcefully open his mother's mouth to feed her, upon which this verse was revealed.

And We have enjoined upon man to treat his parents [10] with kindness. But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge [11], then do not obey them [12]. To Me is your return, and I will inform you [13] about what you used to do.

[10] At numerous places, Allah Almighty has mentioned the rights of parents and good treatment towards them immediately after His own rights. This shows the importance of this issue. For details, see the commentary on verse 23 of Surah Bani Isra'il, footnote 25.
[11] That is, there is nothing in the entire universe that can be a partner with Allah. And Allah’s own testimony is also this: that He, Allah, who has knowledge of every single atom of the universe, even in His knowledge there is nothing that is His partner. So then, what knowledge could you or anyone else have? And in this verse, the word "laka" is merely for further emphasis. And those people who declare certain things or beings as partners of Allah, this is merely their ignorant delusions and baseless ideas. They too have no knowledge of the reality.
[12]
The Rights of Parents and the Role of Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas's Mother:

That is, even if the parents force you towards shirk, their demand is not to be accepted. Thus, Mus'ab bin Sa'd, the son of Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas, says that his mother had sworn that she would never speak to Sa'd until he left his religion (Islam), nor would she eat or drink anything. She said to Sa'd: Allah Almighty has commanded you to obey your parents, and I am your mother and I am commanding you in this matter. Then for three days she neither ate nor drank nor spoke to Sa'd. After three days, she fainted, so her other son, Ammar, gave her water. When she regained consciousness, she began to curse Sa'd. Then Allah Almighty revealed this verse: [مسلم، کتاب الفضائل، باب فی فضل سعد بن ابی وقاص]

There is No Obedience to Anyone in Opposition to Allah:

And from other hadiths and narrations, the details we find are that when he embraced Islam, he was a young man of about nineteen or twenty years, and he had embraced faith at the very beginning of Islam. He himself narrates that after embracing Islam, there were seven days when I was a third of all the Muslims. [بخاری۔ کتاب المناقب۔ باب اسلام سعد]
That is, apart from the household of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, at that time there were only three free men who were Muslims, among whom was Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas himself. And he was so firm in his faith that when his mother threatened a hunger strike, he said to his mother: Mother! If you had a hundred lives and they left you one by one, even then I would not turn away from the religion of Muhammad ﷺ. So eat or don’t eat, it’s up to you. Shirk, after all, is the greatest of all sins. The Shari'ah has taught us that if there is any matter of disobedience to Allah, then in opposition to Allah, no one is to be obeyed. Obedience is only in good deeds. [متفق عليه]
Whether the one giving the order is the parents, or a king, or a leader, no one can be obeyed in opposition to Allah. From this verse, it is clear that in all matters except shirk or disobedience to Allah, obedience to parents is obligatory. Just as the mother of Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas ؓ, who was a disbeliever, also understood this. But the contemporary Quran commentator, Mr. Parwez, says that there is no command in the Quran regarding obedience to parents. His own words are:

"Is obedience to parents unnecessary according to the Quran? In all the religions and schools of ethics of the world, this thing (obedience to parents) has been accepted as a given, that 'obedience to parents is obligatory,' such a given that it is not even in need of any reflection or criticism. Among them, no one ever felt the need to even consider that this is something about which there could be two opinions. But look at the Quran. For the first time in the world, it has raised the voice that those who have reached the age of intellectual decline, their decisions are not binding. Parents are deserving of good treatment and gentle behavior, and that’s all. As long as the child is a child, they are his guardians and caretakers. When he reaches intellectual maturity, he becomes authorized to make decisions for himself. He can benefit from the advice and experience of others, but he cannot be bound by their decisions." [قرآني فيصلے ص 138]

From this excerpt, the following points are illuminated:
1. All schools of ethics and all religions of the world agree on the obligation of obedience to parents. Among these religions are also the People of the Book, upon whose prophets divine revelation was sent. This means that obedience to parents has been part of the teachings of all prophets.
2. Then among these religions or People of the Book are also Muslims, who were given a book like the Quran. In this Quran, for the first time, this call was raised that obedience to parents is a meaningless and absurd thing. But Muslims did not pay any attention to this call of the Quran, or they could not understand it. And they too continued to consider obedience to parents obligatory like other religions, until Mr. Parwez understood the true meaning of this first-time call of the Quran, and that meaning is that "the decisions of parents are not binding."
3. Parents are only deserving of good treatment and gentle behavior from their children, and that’s all. According to Mr. Parwez, it is possible to treat parents well and gently even without obeying them.

The Harms of Obedience to Parents:

Then, after this, Mr. Parwez further clarifies his position, saying: "As long as the parents are alive, their son, even if he is sixty or seventy years old, has no right to make his own decisions according to his own discretion. He will have to comply with their decisions, about whose intellect his God has decided that at this age it becomes inverted. The result is that children who consider obedience to parents obligatory remain intellectually crippled and mentally childish all their lives." [ايضاً ص 129]

Now see, the example Mr. Parwez has presented in this excerpt is wrong both logically and textually. Logically, in this way: the children who themselves have reached the age of sixty or seventy, their parents would be about a hundred years old. At this age, they are dependent on others even for their daily bread, let alone movement. In this state, what decisions can they give, and how can they command their children? At this age, they are not even capable of expressing their opinion. And the other aspect is that children who have reached the age of sixty or seventy have themselves entered the limits of decrepitude. What right do they have now to make their own decisions? Now their own children are present to make decisions, who have at least reached the age of forty and attained intellectual maturity. Therefore, in the practical world, the question of obedience to parents for children of sixty or seventy rarely arises. And textually, this argument is wrong because the Quran has never said that at this age people’s intellect becomes inverted. The words of the Quran are: ﴿وَمَنْ نُّعَمِّرْهُ نُنَكِّسْهُ فِي الْخَلْقِ﴾ "And whomever We grant long life, We reverse him in creation." That is, from a child to a youth, then from a youth to an old man. In youth, he was strong; in old age, he becomes weak. His body was full and well-built; in old age, he becomes frail and thin, and his joints become loose. In this verse, the inversion of his creation is mentioned, not his intellect. Another similar verse is: ﴿وَمِنْكُمْ مَّنْ يُّرَدُّ اِلٰٓي اَرْذَلِ الْعُمُرِ لِكَيْلَا يَعْلَمَ مِنْ بَعْدِ عِلْمٍ شَئًْا﴾ [70:16] "And among you are some who are brought back to the worst of ages so that after having knowledge, they know nothing." That is, their memory becomes weak. They even forget the knowledge they had previously acquired. In this verse too, there is no mention of the inversion of intellect. The professor says: "When the child is a child, the parents are his guardians and caretakers. When he reaches intellectual maturity, he becomes authorized to make decisions for himself." Now the question is: in childhood, the child cannot disobey the parents due to being under their training and care, otherwise his education and upbringing would stop. Moreover, being a minor, he is not legally responsible for religious commands. The question of obedience to parents only arises when he becomes sane and mature, and this is the age when the fervor of youth, abundance of emotions, and immaturity of intellect are present. And in fact, this is the period when it is necessary for him to obey his parents until he reaches the age of intellectual maturity, i.e., forty years. When he attains intellectual maturity, he becomes authorized to make his own decisions. In this case, what reward did the children give for the services of their parents? It seems that Mr. Parwez himself realized this flaw in his argument. Thus, he later writes: "There is no doubt that our present society (in which families live together) requires that family members live under the collective decisions of the family and not become self-willed and rebellious. But self-will and rebellion are one thing, and sound judgment is another." Then, adding a footnote to this passage, he writes: "Remember, for making one’s own decisions, intellectual maturity and sound judgment are indispensable conditions. Therefore, until the child reaches this stage, he will inevitably have to act according to the decisions of the elders." [ايضاً ص : 129]

The questions that arise from this excerpt are:
1. Are parents included among the elders or not? Or, in opposition to obedience to parents, was it not even acceptable to mention parents among the elders?
2. The Quran, which for the first time raised the call that the decisions of elders are not binding, why have you yourself now started giving such advice to the youth against this call?
3. If the young are bound by the decisions of the elders, then how will you remedy the fact that they will become intellectually crippled?

Now we present such arguments from the Quran itself, from which it is clearly known that obedience to parents is obligatory:
1. In Surah Ankabut, Allah Almighty said: ﴿وَوَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْـنًا وَاِنْ جَاهَدٰكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِيْ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهٖ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا﴾ [8:29] "And We have enjoined upon man to treat his parents well, but if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them." From this verse, two things are known: one, that obedience to parents is included in good treatment, and second, that in the matter of shirk, parents are not to be obeyed. In all other matters, their obedience is obligatory.
2. And in Surah Luqman, almost the same words are used, but with more clarification: ﴿وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوْفًا﴾ [15:31] "And in worldly matters, accompany your parents well, even if they are polytheists." ﴿يٰٓاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْٓا اَطِيْعُوا اللّٰهَ وَاَطِيْعُوا الرَّسُوْلَ وَاُولِي الْاَمْرِ مِنْكُمْ﴾ [59:4] "O you who believe! Obey Allah and obey the Messenger and those in authority among you." Here, "those in authority" is a plural term, and it does not refer only to the rulers of the state, but includes every individual who is to be obeyed, such as parents, teachers, neighborhood leaders, family heads, etc.—that is, if they are Muslims and do not command disobedience to Allah, then obedience to all of them is obligatory. After all, on what basis can parents be excluded from the category of "those in authority"?

Is Good Treatment Possible Without Obedience?

4. About Prophet Yahya ؑ, Allah Almighty says: ﴿وَبَرًّۢا بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ وَلَمْ يَكُن جَبَّارًا عَصِيًّۭا﴾ [14:19] "Yahya ؑ was dutiful to his parents, and he was not domineering or disobedient." From this verse, it is known that a person who is rebellious and disobedient to his parents, no matter what their age, cannot be one who treats his parents well. Thus, good treatment includes two things: (1) gentle behavior instead of harshness, and (2) their obedience. In other words, without obedience to parents, the concept of good treatment towards them is not even possible.
5. Allah Almighty granted Prophet Ibrahim ؑ children in his old age. When Isma'il ؑ became mature, Ibrahim ؑ said to him: ﴿يٰبُنَيَّ اِنِّيْٓ اَرٰي فِي الْمَنَامِ اَنِّيْٓ اَذْبَحُكَ فَانْظُرْ مَاذَا تَرٰي قَالَ يٰاَبَتِ افْعَلْ مَا تُــؤْمَرُ﴾ [102:37] "My dear son! I see in a dream that I am slaughtering you, so see what you think." Isma'il said: "Father, do as you are commanded."

The Unparalleled Example of Isma'il's Obedience:

From this verse, two things are known. First, that Isma'il ؑ at that time was mature and capable of giving an opinion. Second, that this command from Allah came to Ibrahim ؑ in a dream, not to Isma'il ؑ. Even so, Isma'il ؑ obeyed his elderly father and set an example the like of which is not found in the history of the world, neither before nor after this incident. Isma'il ؑ did not refuse even to sacrifice his life in obedience to his father. He did not think that this was just a dream, or that, God forbid, his father had become senile and was saying strange things, or that his father was merely asking his opinion and not giving a command, or that if the command came in a dream, it was to his father, not to him. Rather, he bowed his head in submission to his father's wish (not command), and Allah Almighty sealed this with ﴿فَلَمَّا أسْلَمَا﴾, confirming that Isma'il's ؑ obedience to his father's wish was in fact obedience to Allah. Is there any greater evidence from the Quran regarding obedience to elderly parents than this? Was it the blessing of vision or the miracle of the school—who taught Isma'il the manners of being a son?

From the above explanations, the following conclusions are drawn:
1. Before puberty, a child is compelled to obey his parents due to being under their training and care. And the obedience of such a child is also out of the question because at this age, the child is not legally responsible for religious commands.
2. From puberty to the age of forty (i.e., the age of intellectual maturity and sound judgment), it is obligatory for children to obey their parents and elders, because in this age, the fervor of youth and intensity of emotions dominate a person's intellect. Therefore, he is not even able to properly consider his own benefit and harm, and his own well-being lies in obeying his parents and elders.
3. After about the age of forty, when his intellect becomes mature, by then his parents have reached old age. Due to their own dependence on their children, they cannot impose any command on them. However, even at this age, if the children give preference to their parents' wishes, it is a great blessing. If any disagreement arises, even then the children do not have the right to argue or dominate them. Rather, the command is that even in such a situation, they should not even say "uff" to them. To dominate or scold them is out of the question. In such a case, they should present their point gently and try to convince them with arguments, and in worldly matters, i.e., regarding their lodging and food, serve them wholeheartedly.
4.
The Limits of Obedience to Parents:

If parents force their children to commit shirk or any other act of disobedience to Allah, that is, if they give any command in opposition to Allah, then they are not to be obeyed. This is the only situation in which their disobedience is allowed, regardless of their age.

[13] That is, whether parents or children, rulers or any member of the subjects, all will be presented before the court of Allah. He will inform you in every matter as to who was excessive and who was upon the truth.