Bukhari

Hadith Commentary:

That is, in comparison to Abu Zar‘ah’s wealth, all this wealth is insignificant, but I am not going to divorce you as Abu Zar‘ah divorced Umm Zar‘.
Aisha radi Allahu anha says that after narrating the entire story, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to me, “O Aisha (radi Allahu anha)! I am to you as a husband just as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘.”
Imam Bukhari rahimahullah said that Sa‘id bin Salamah also narrated this hadith from Hisham, and in the mention of the slave-girl, instead of the words “wa la tamla baytana ta‘shisha,” the wording is “wa la tu‘ashshish baytana ta‘shisha” (the meaning is the same: that the slave-girl does not fill our house with rubbish and filth, keeping it unclean).
Some have read it with the word “‘aniq,” which would mean that she never deceives or betrays us.
Also, Imam Bukhari rahimahullah said that (in the words “wa ashrab fa atfukh”), some people have read it as “fa atqamh” with a meem, and this is more correct.

➊ The meaning is that her husband is miserly, from whom no benefit can be expected; secondly, he is an ill-natured man, utterly useless.
➋ Or, I fear that my husband might find out and divorce me, while I am unable to leave him.
➌ But for me, it is better to remain silent.
➍ Neither do I get divorced so that I may marry another husband, nor do I receive any happiness from this husband.
➎ That is, he comes and sleeps, having no concern for the household affairs.
Or, as soon as he arrives, he pounces upon me—no words, no conversation, no affection or intimacy.
➏ The meaning is that he is very gluttonous, but useless for me.
➐ That is, firstly, he has little desire, does not fulfill the woman’s needs, and on top of that, he is ill-tempered—if spoken to, he is ready to bite, and if confronted, ready to strike.
➑ The translation of “za‘faran” has been rendered idiomatically, otherwise “zarnab” is the bark of a tree which, like saffron, is fragrant and colorful.
She praised her husband, saying that both his outward and inward character are excellent.
➒ That is why, wherever such people are called for consultation, their opinion is acted upon.
➓ So that when guests arrive, meat and milk are ready for them.
⓫ This instrument was played out of joy upon the arrival of guests, so that the camels would understand that now they would be slaughtered for the guests.
⓬ That is, slender-bodied, with a delicate waist, who leaves an impression on the bed when she sleeps.
⓭ That the co-wife burns with envy at her beauty, manners, and competence.
⓮ She always sweeps and cleans the house, keeping it spotless—in short, the whole house is radiant with light upon light.
From Abu Zar‘ to his mother, daughter, son, slave-girl, and maidservant—all are unique individuals.

Hadith Commentary:
(1)
The Hadith of Umm Zar‘ serves as a fundamental reference regarding good conduct with women.
There is no fictional element in it; rather, it describes a reality. In fact, from another narration, it is evident that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) himself narrated this incident. Thus, once the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said to Aisha (radi Allahu anha):
“My position with you is like that of Abu Zar‘ with Umm Zar‘.”
Aisha (radi Allahu anha) asked:
“O Messenger of Allah! Who was Abu Zar‘?”
Thereafter, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) narrated this incident.
(al-Sunan al-Kubra lil-Nasa’i: 5/385, no. 9139, and Fath al-Bari: 9/318)
(2)
This incident provides a vivid depiction of domestic life during the pre-Islamic era.
Imam al-Bukhari (rahimahullah)’s objective is to highlight the character of Abu Zar‘, because it is through his character that good conduct with women is established.
In reality, women have generally been found to be somewhat miserly regarding their husbands.
They do not wholeheartedly acknowledge their husbands’ sacrifices, devotion, and loyalty.
In one hadith, it is mentioned that the majority of women who will be the fuel of Hell will be so due to this very “ingratitude.”
However, according to this hadith, Umm Zar‘ displayed excellence.
She not only praised Abu Zar‘, but also lavishly praised Abu Zar‘’s mother, his son, his daughter, and his slave-girl.
The love of Abu Zar‘ had become so deeply rooted in her heart that even after being divorced, she could not forget him; rather, she described his affection and loyalty in very beautiful words, as Hafiz Ibn Hajar (rahimahullah) has written:
“Love is only for the first beloved.”
(Fath al-Bari: 9/341)
(3)
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) himself said to Aisha (radi Allahu anha):
“O Aisha! I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘, rather, I am even better, because he divorced Umm Zar‘ in the latter part of his life, but I will never divorce you.”
Aisha (radi Allahu anha) replied:
“O Messenger of Allah! May my parents be sacrificed for you! Your position with me is even greater than that of Abu Zar‘.”
(al-Mu‘jam al-Kabir li’l-Tabarani: 23/164, 171, 173, and Fath al-Bari: 9/341)
(4)
The heart desires to explain every single word of this hadith and to elaborate on the emotions of the wives regarding their husbands as described therein, but there are some obstacles to such detailed explanation and commentary.
We have clearly stated the purpose for which Imam al-Bukhari (rahimahullah) presented this hadith. May Allah grant us the ability to act upon it.
Amin

Hadith Commentary:
Vocabulary of the Hadith:
(1)
Lahm jamal ghath:
Lean and thin,
which is disliked due to its leanness,
if "lahm" (meat) is considered as the adjective, it will be nominative, and if it is the adjective of "jaml" (camel), it will be genitive,
meaning the meat is also of a camel,
which among all meats is the most useless, and it is also from a weak and lean camel.
(2)
Jabal wa‘ir:
A difficult and rugged mountain which is hard to climb,
because the path is arduous.
(3)
La sahl fayurtada:
The path is not easy and smooth that, for the sake of convenience and ease, even a useless and cheap thing would be accepted.
(4)
La samin fayuntaqal:
It is not fat and fresh, i.e., not a valuable thing for which one would bear hardship and difficulty to cross a difficult path,
the woman’s intent is that her husband
is of very little benefit,
and even obtaining benefit from him is very difficult,
meaning, along with being ill-tempered, he is also miserly and stingy, and considers himself very high and superior.
(5)
La abt khabarahu:
I do not wish to disclose his condition.
Inni akhafu an la azrahu:
I fear that I will not be able to refrain from describing his condition and the matter will not be complete,
or if I mention his faults and defects, he will divorce me, and due to my children and attachment to him, I will not be able to leave him,
or if "an" after "la" is considered extra as in (6)
Ma mana‘aka an la tasjud:
Here "la" after "an" is extra, so the meaning will be,
I fear that he will divorce me and I will have to leave him.
(7)
Adhkur ‘ujrahu wa bajrahu:
I will mention his apparent and hidden faults and defects, or his outward faults and secret matters,
thus she alluded in a general way to all his faults,
but refrained from going into detail.
(8)
‘Ashnaq:
Very tall and, according to some, stubborn in his ways,
insists on having his own way,
therefore, due to his awe and intimidation, his wife cannot express her feelings and swallows her bitterness,
thus his wife is silently enduring her miserable condition,
because if she speaks, she will be divorced,
which she is not prepared for,
so if she remains silent and is patient and content with her unpleasant state, she is mu‘allaqah (suspended),
neither a wife nor a widow,
this is the intent of "in anṭiq uṭallaq wa in askut u‘allaq" (if I speak, I will be divorced; if I remain silent, I am suspended).
(9)
Zawji ka layl Tihamah:
The night of Tihamah is very pleasant,
because "la har wa la qarr",
there is neither intense heat nor severe cold, but moderate and balanced,
as if her husband is of moderate temperament and a source of happiness for her.
(10)
La makhafah wa la samamah:
There is neither fear of harm nor boredom or weariness from his companionship,
he possesses noble character.
(11)
In dakhala fahid:
When he enters the house, due to love and affection, he cannot stay away from me,
or he is harsh and ill-tempered,
does not joke before intimacy,
pounces like a beast,
or he is a heavy sleeper,
remains asleep at home,
has left the household goods and property in the wife’s charge,
never asks for any account.
(12)
In kharaja asad:
Outside the house, he is very brave and courageous,
enemies fear him,
he has awe and authority over his family.
(13)
La yas’al ‘am ‘ahd:
He does not ask about the conditions of the house,
meaning he provides everything in abundance and then does not ask for any account,
or he does not care about the state of the house,
whether someone dies or lives,
is healthy or sick,
he does not inquire.
(14)
In akala laff:
He is gluttonous,
devours everything,
because "laff" means
to eat as much as possible and leave nothing for anyone else.
(15)
In shariba ishtaf:
When he starts drinking, he does not leave a drop in the vessel,
meaning, like animals, he is only fond of eating and drinking and digests everything himself,
whether anyone else gets anything or not.
(16)
In idtaja‘a iltaff:
After eating and drinking,
he sleeps curled up, isolated.
(17)
La yulij al-kaf:
He does not extend his palm towards his wife,
shows indifference and disregard towards her.
(18)
Li ya‘lam al-batt:
He does not even feel the need to know her grief, sorrow, or distress,
the intent is that he does not care about the household, to find out their needs and pay attention to fulfilling them.
(19)
Ghayaya’:
If derived from "ghayayah", it means darkness and gloom,
i.e., he is unaware and ignorant of everything,
unfamiliar with the affairs of life,
if derived from "ghay" meaning evil, then it means
he is always engaged in mischief, and if derived from "ghay" meaning failure, then it means
he is unsuccessful and disappointed in every matter.
‘Ayaya’:
Meaning helpless and incapable,
can neither work nor speak, and according to some, impotent,
who cannot approach a woman.
Tabaqa’:
Drowned in foolishness,
or burdensome,
who cannot establish proper relations with a woman,
places his chest against the woman’s chest and his back rises away from her,
"kul da’ lahu da’":
a compendium of all defects.
The defects and faults that are found separately in people,
all are combined in him.
(20)
Shajjaki:
He will break your head,
aw fallak:
or break your bone or take away everything from you.
(21)
Aw jama‘a kulla laki:
Or he will do both,
break your head,
break your bones and ribs,
when he treats you like this while you are a stranger, then what will he do to me?
(22)
Ar-rih zarnab:
Zarnab is a fragrant herb,
or a very fine perfume.
(23)
Wal-mass arnab:
Touching him
is like touching a rabbit,
meaning he is extremely clean and soft-natured and sweet-spoken,
possesses a soft and tender body.
(24)
Rafi‘ al-‘imad:
Of noble lineage,
or owner of a lofty building,
his fame and reputation is everywhere,
guests and needy people can see his house from afar.
(25)
Tawil an-nijad:
"Nijad":
the strap of a sword,
tall and of great stature,
meaning brave and courageous,
or owner of vast authority,
his word is accepted everywhere,
(26)
‘Azim ar-ramad:
There is always a fire burning in his house and guests are always coming and going,
he is very generous and hospitable.
That is why there is always a lot of ash in the house.
(27)
Qarib al-bayt min an-nad:
His house is near the council of consultation,
no consultation takes place without him,
or due to his generosity and hospitality, the council is held near his house,
or he responds to every caller.
(28)
Malik khabar min dhalik:
Regarding the praise and description of Malik,
whatever I say,
or whatever qualities are imagined about him,
he is above that,
or whatever the women have said in praise of their husbands,
he is superior and higher than that.
(29)
Kathirat al-mubarak:
His camels spend most of their time sitting in their enclosures,
he is always ready to entertain guests,
he does not send the camels out to graze so that milk and meat can be presented to guests immediately upon their arrival.
(30)
Qalilat al-masarikh:
They go out to graze very little,
"Mubarak" is the plural of "mubrak", and "masarikh" is the plural of "masrah",
both can be verbal nouns or denote time and place.
(31)
Sawt al-mizhar:
The sound of the flute,
guests are welcomed with music and celebration upon their arrival,
because of which "ayqanna annahun hawalik":
they become certain that now they will be slaughtered for the guests.
(32)
Anas min huli:
"Anas":
to make heavy or to burden, so that it hangs down,
"huli" is the plural of "hilyah", jewelry,
meaning he has burdened my ears with numerous ornaments.
(33)
Mala min ash-shahm ‘ududi:
He has fed me well and made me plump and healthy,
or it means,
I live happily and prosperously with him,
"arm" is used to refer to the whole body,
or it means I have become strong and powerful.
(34)
Bahhani:
He has made me happy,
or made me great,
he honors and respects me.
(35)
Fabajahat ilay nafsi:
With kasrah on the "jim",
although fathah is also possible,
I have become pleased with myself,
or I consider myself great,
I am proud of myself.
(36)
Shaqq:
A place name,
or means hardship and toil,
or a mountain corner,
meaning I was a member of a family living a life of hardship and difficulty,
owning only a few goats.
(37)
Ahl sahil:
"Sahil",
the neighing of a horse,
meaning owner of horses.
(38)
Atit:
The sound of camels,
their bellowing.
(39)
Ahl al-atit:
Camel owners.
(40)
Da’is:
Daws,
to thresh grain,
meaning owner of oxen and fields.
(41)
Munaqq:
One who cleans and sifts grain,
the intent is that Abu Zar‘ is the owner of a large number of all kinds of animals and a great landowner,
thus there is prosperity and abundance in the house,
if "munaqq" is taken from "naqiq", it means
one who slaughters birds,
meaning bird meat is cooked at home.
(42)
Aqulu fala uqabbah:
No one takes offense at what I say,
none of my words are rejected,
nor am I rebuked.
(43)
Arqadu ma tusbih:
I sleep until morning,
I am so beloved and dear that I sleep peacefully and undisturbed,
no one disturbs my sleep,
I am not made to serve, or there are many servants for work,
so I do not have to get up early in the morning.
(44)
Ashrabu fa atqaniḥ:
I drink to my fill,
so much so that I leave some in the vessel,
if "mim" is used instead of "nun", i.e., "atqamaḥ",
I drink so much that there is no room for more,
or after drinking to my fill, I raise my head,
even though water is scarce with us.
(45)
‘Ukum:
Plural of "‘ukum",
sacks of grain.
(46)
Radaḥ:
Very large.
(47)
Fasah:
Spacious and wide, i.e., the house is very large,
open and spacious,
and everything is abundant in it.
(48)
Madaji‘:
Resting place,
"masl",
is a verbal noun meaning to stretch,
or a place,
the place of stretching,
or "kamasl shatbah":
a date palm stick or a sword,
the meaning is,
he is very slender,
light and agile,
not heavy and bulky,
so he occupies very little space,
like a sword drawn from its sheath.
(49)
Tushbi‘uhu dhira‘ al-jafrah:
"Jafrah",
a four-month-old kid goat, i.e., he eats very little,
the arm of a kid goat is enough to satisfy him,
he is not gluttonous.
(50)
Taw‘ abeeha wa taw‘ ummiha:
(His daughter)
is obedient to her father and dutiful to her mother,
meaning she is loyal to both,
thus a comfort to both their eyes.
(51)
Mil’ kisa’iha:
Due to being heavy and plump, she fills her garment,
i.e., she is well-built and robust,
which is a desirable quality for women among the Arabs.
(52)
Ghayz jaratiha:
Due to her beauty, character, and high morals, she is a cause of anger and jealousy for her co-wife,
or the neighbor women are jealous of her,
because a co-wife is always jealous in any case.
(53)
La tabuth hadithana tabthithan:
She does not spread or disclose the matters of our house.
(54)
La tabuth hadithana la tanquth miratana tanqithan:
She does not spoil our grain at all nor take it outside,
she is extremely trustworthy and honest,
never betrays.
(55)
La tamla’ baytana ta‘shishan:
She does not fill our house with rubbish and trash,
keeps the house extremely clean,
i.e., she is fond of cleanliness,
if "ta‘shishan" is from "‘ush" (nest)
instead of "ghish":
derived from deception and fraud,
meaning she does not act dishonestly or betray,
or she is chaste and pure,
protects her honor.
(56)
Al-awtab tumkhad:
"Owtāb",
plural of "watab",
milk vessels,
meaning the milk vessels were being churned,
so that butter could be extracted,
or it is an allusion to springtime, the season of greenery and freshness.
(57)
Yal‘aban min tahti khasriha birummanatayn:
From beneath her womb,
her children were playing with her breasts,
which were beautiful like pomegranates,
hanging despite being round,
as if she was heavy and when lying down her back would rise from the ground,
or from beneath her waist, they were tossing the pomegranates like balls here and there.
(58)
Rajulan suriyya:
A chief and noble man or a wealthy and affluent person.
(59)
Rakiba shariyya:
He rode a swift,
high-quality horse,
which runs continuously without fatigue or weakness.
Akhadha khitiyya,
he took a spear.
(60)
Araha ‘alay na‘aman thuriyya:
Who brought to me in the evening numerous camels or livestock,
according to Mulla Ali Qari, "na‘am" refers to camels,
cows, and goats.
(61)
A‘taani min kulli dhi rihatin zawjan:
He gave me pairs of every kind of livestock that return in the evening,
or provided me with all kinds of animals.
(62)
Kuntu laka ka Abi Zar‘ li Umm Zar‘:
I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘,
in some places this is explicitly stated.
(63)
Fil-ulfati war-rafā’i la fil-furqati wal-jalā’:
In love, affection, harmony, and compatibility, not in separation and parting, and in some narrations,
he had divorced her,
I will not divorce you, and Aisha radi Allahu anha replied,
May my father and mother be sacrificed for you,
you are to me as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘,
rather, you are better than him.