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الفتح الربانی
Fath al-Rabbani
مسائل البر وصلة الرحمIssues of Righteousness and Maintaining Family Ties
بَابُ في بر الأولادِ وَالأقَارِبِ الْأَقْرَبِ فَالْاقْرَبِ اب مَا جَاءَ فِي نَمْرَةِ الأَوْلَادِ وَالتَّرْغِيْبِ فِي ادِيهِمْ وَالْعَطْفِ عَلَيْهِمْChapter on dutifulness to children and close relatives, what has been narrated regarding the virtue of children, and encouragement towards kindness to them and compassion for them
Hadith 9033
اُردوEn
۔ وَعَنْہُ اَیْضًا، اَنَّ رَسُوْلَ اللّٰہِ صلی اللہ علیہ وآلہ وسلم قَالَ: ((قَارِبُوْا بَیْنَ اَبْنَائِکُمْ یَعْنِیْ سَوُّوْا بَیْنَھُمْ۔)) وَفِیْ لَفْظٍ: ((اِعْدِلُوْا بَیْنَ اَبْنَائِکُمْ، اِعْدِلُوْا بَیْنَ اَبْنَائِکُمْ، اِعْدِلُوْا بَیْنَ اَبْنَائِکُمْ۔))
Sayyiduna Nu’man bin Bashir (may Allah be pleased with both of them) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Treat your sons equally. In another narration: Be just among your sons, act with justice among your children, adopt an attitude of equality between your sons and daughters.
Brief Explanation
Benefits: … Parents are not permitted to show preferential treatment to any one child on any basis. It has been observed that some fathers always direct their anger, reproach, and criticism towards certain children, while others become the recipients of affection and love. Similarly, when it comes to spending on the children, this same distinction is taken into consideration. Acting in this manner is misguidance and deviation; it is a sign of straying from the Prophetic methodology and an indication of inciting children towards rebellion. Equality must also be observed in the marriages of sons and daughters.
It is narrated from Sayyiduna Anas radi Allahu anhu, who says: “A man was sitting with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when his son came to him; he took him, kissed him, and seated him in his lap. Then his daughter came, and he seated her beside him. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: ‘Have you not been just between them?’—meaning, between his son and his daughter in kissing them.” … A man was sitting with the Noble Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam; his son came to him, he kissed him and seated him in his lap. After that, his daughter came, and he seated her beside him. The Noble Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Why did you not act justly between them?”—that is, you kissed your son but did not kiss your daughter. (Musnad al-Bazzar: 2/378/1893, Shu‘ab al-Iman by al-Bayhaqi: 6/410/8700, Sahihah: 2883, 2994)
This is the standard of equality between children: that even in the outward expressions of love, there should be no excess or deficiency. It is possible that in the hearts of the parents, there is a special regard or greater love for one son over the others, and there is no harm in this, because this is not within anyone’s control—just as the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had the greatest love for Sayyidah A’ishah radi Allahu anha. However, it is necessary to fulfill the outward requirements of equality.
It is narrated from Sayyiduna Anas radi Allahu anhu, who says: “A man was sitting with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when his son came to him; he took him, kissed him, and seated him in his lap. Then his daughter came, and he seated her beside him. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: ‘Have you not been just between them?’—meaning, between his son and his daughter in kissing them.” … A man was sitting with the Noble Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam; his son came to him, he kissed him and seated him in his lap. After that, his daughter came, and he seated her beside him. The Noble Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Why did you not act justly between them?”—that is, you kissed your son but did not kiss your daughter. (Musnad al-Bazzar: 2/378/1893, Shu‘ab al-Iman by al-Bayhaqi: 6/410/8700, Sahihah: 2883, 2994)
This is the standard of equality between children: that even in the outward expressions of love, there should be no excess or deficiency. It is possible that in the hearts of the parents, there is a special regard or greater love for one son over the others, and there is no harm in this, because this is not within anyone’s control—just as the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had the greatest love for Sayyidah A’ishah radi Allahu anha. However, it is necessary to fulfill the outward requirements of equality.
