Fath al-Rabbani

Benefits: … The customs and traditions of the present society have deprived women of this blessing. Now even the engagement is settled in a proper ceremony, and from that moment, the exchanges of gifts and transactions begin in such a way that the public starts to feel suffocated. But what can be done? There is a dominance of outward show, the issue of preserving artificial honors, and the need to keep pace with the society’s trends. After the engagement, the exchange of gifts continues on subsequent Eids. Parents express their complaints in hushed tones, but when they are explained the Islamic legal ruling, they say: “What can we do? So-and-so gets upset, people talk, the child does not agree.” In one area, there is a custom that for determining the wedding day, as many people from the groom’s side as come to the bride’s house, each must be given an expensive suit. By chance, to fix the day for a poor family’s daughter, twenty-five people came, and they were given twenty-five of the best karandi suits, while on ordinary days there is nothing to eat at home, and not only was a loan taken to prepare those suits, but begging was also done and hands were stretched out in need.

After the engagement ceremony, the preparation of dowry (jahaz), the rituals of henna (mehndi) and turmeric (ubtan), then a wedding procession (baraat) consisting of hundreds of people, the custom of giving milk (doodh pilai) in it, generally spending fifteen to twenty thousand rupees to have the bride’s makeup done at a beauty parlor, guests paying a fee to see the bride, then the wedding feast (walima) and giving gifts in the form of bedding and clothing to those who attend, checking of gifts after the ceremony and complaints and grievances—here is a calamity indeed! And in almost most households, a few days after the wedding, tension begins to arise in the environment: somewhere it is the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, somewhere the issue of the son and his parents, somewhere the issue of sisters-in-law, somewhere the demand for a separate house. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam went alone to bring Sayyidah Aisha radi Allahu anha, and her family immediately prepared her and entrusted her to him sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

May Allah grant goodness. If the wife faces the issue of not conceiving, or if after a few months the pregnancy is miscarried, or if at the time of delivery an operation is needed, then the pleasant atmosphere begins to diminish, mental distress increases, and expenses rise greatly.